Hugh: BLOGS

Hello my friends!

This is part 3, the final part of my first ever trilogy of blogs about my recent long weekend in Tucson. Read on...

THE HUGH NATION DRINKING GAME

Originally created by Marty Montgomery and Rob Herman (& recently tweaked a little by me) the Hugh Nation drinking game rules first appeared in comments after my blog about one of many great weekends in Fresno (December 2008).

The reason I am posting this in my blog now today is to mark part 3 of my first ever blog trilogy. You see I know that if any of you in Tucson play this game (and stick to the rules) using this now completed trilogy of blogs I guarantee you WILL BE f**ked drunk in less than an hour! Ok here goes....

FIRST read one story from (or all of) one of Hugh’s tales from the road blogs. Then follow the following formula....

If you fit into one of the following
A: Witnessed it.
B: Instigated it (Including if your shared story is included).
C: Participated in it or were
D: Mentioned by name in it

Then drink one shot. However, if you fit into more than one of the above add an additional shot for every additional category you match. Plus if your name is mentioned more than four times add an additional shot, and more than 8 times, two shots!!

Also if you....
E: Have pointed out an error in facts and forced a correction.
F: Had your name changed or left out to protect the guilty.
G: Have requested your name be changed in it!
H: Have a picture of you in it or a picture you’ve taken.

Drink three additional shots if you fit in to any of the above. NOW move onto another story or full blog and REPEAT!

UNDIAGNOSED DAVE?

I got to see a whole other side of my friend David McGuiggan on Sunday morning WOW! Chelsea calls it Dave’s OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). But before I go on let me say that OCD, according to ‘the professionals’ is....

“A potentially disabling condition that can persist throughout a person's life. The individual who suffers from OCD becomes trapped in a pattern of repetitive thoughts and behaviors that are senseless and distressing but extremely difficult to overcome. OCD occurs in a spectrum from mild to severe, but if severe and left untreated, can destroy a person's capacity to function at work, at school, or even in the home”.

Sounds very dramatic doesn’t it? (Watch out here comes a rant) Man these mother f**kers will create anything to get people addicted to meds. Seriously, psychiatry has invented so many diagnoses at this point that every human being on earth could be diagnosed with something...but I digress.

Ok so back to Dave well it was Sunday morning and he was getting things ready for the party on Sunday afternoon (more about the party in a minute). Suddenly he decided he JUST HAD TO clean his bathroom floor and put new mats down. Why? I’m not sure exactly.... but it was like he got possessed with the ghost of a manic cleaning lady!

He was just rushing around getting the cleaning materials and cleaning frantically like he was working against some unseen GIANT countdown clock in his head! At one point he was talking so fast that I couldn’t understand a thing he was saying to me...it was like he had just inhaled helium or something! I was just standing there with my jaw dropped...Chelsea seeing the expression on my face told me “Oh when he gets like this Hugh we just get out of the way”. So I did just that.

By the time we got to the party Dave seemed to have calmed down although a while later he did break the chair he was sitting on!! After this chair incident we got back onto the subject of his apparent OCD. Dave started talking openly about how he thought he was an undiagnosed something! Like how he used to count numbers on his bedroom wall to help protect himself from been abducted by aliens. If my jaw had dropped earlier it now hit the floor...and I believe in extra terrestrials!

Correctly though Melissa (aka Bambi) pointed out to Dave that the truth is that “Everyone’s got their quirks”. Well said Bambi I could not agree with you more.

Speaking of quirks later after the party when Dave and I were driving back to his place. He had another ‘episode’ for want of a better word. You see we were listening to 50 cent! which is hilarious... I mean both of us couldn’t be any whiter if we tried and Dave just got carried away with those monster Dr Dre beats. He pumped up the bass volume on the stereo until the car was shaking and when we stopped at a light he literally jumped out of the car and started dancing on the street! Seeing David’s many ‘quirks’ I was left with only one conclusion...this man needs his own reality TV show.

HUGH NATION PARTY OR HOSTILE ALIEN TAKEOVER?

I stayed an extra day in Tucson this time as my friends were hosting a party in my honor! To be honest I felt like I should be throwing a party for them. It was great though to have a day off and have some real chill time.
The party was hosted by Maggie at her home. She cooked and baked lots of good stuff including wonderful chili and magnificent Irish soda bread. Maggie’s buddy Phyliss baked a huge Hugh Nation cake! which just has to be seen to be believed.

Later in the party Maggie gathered everyone together and said she wanted to say a few words. She began by singing!!!! and I quote....
“Did you ever know that you‘re my hero....”.

In my mind time went really slow.....I went all sci-fi...was this some clever elaborate plan by alien body snatchers to take over the Hugh Nation? would everyone suddenly turn around and stare at me with red glowing eyes like the movie ‘Children of the damned’? Should I pick up a chair and fight to the death to save my immortal soul??.....

Suddenly... I woke up and everyone was laughing at me because I was as red as a tomato or as we say in Ireland “Bleedin’ mortified”. After Maggie’s humorous intro she went on to say some very heartfelt things about me and how much my Tucson friends appreciated me and what I do. I was taken aback by her speech but very grateful for Maggie’s kind words and for the friendship and respect shown to me by all my Tucson friends. Again sincerely I thank you all.

STIMULUS PACKAGE SWINGING IN THE WIND?

This IS NOT a story about the economy read on and you’ll see what I mean. You see this guy I know in Tucson who works as a doorman / bouncer at a local bar shared with me a humiliating story that I just have to share.

The doorman...lets call him ‘John’ got chatting with a cute college girl and to cut a long story short as we‘d say back in Ireland ‘the gig was on’. He was about to go on break and walk over to her place which was a short distance away but wickedly at last moment he got called inside the bar to help out with something “I’ll be right back” he told her.

Unfortunately by the time he returned to his ’sure thing’ he watched in horror as the cute college girl walked away down the street with some other guy who’d obviously just picked up where he had left off. Out of sheer frustration at his bad luck John for some reason decided to do a high karate kick in the air? An unusual way to show ones frustration to say the least! but for other reasons it was a kung fu move he’d soon regret.

As his kick reached full stretch he heard a ripping sound! He then described suddenly “feeling a breeze” ....he looked down at his waist and to his utter horror not only were his pants completely ripped but his underwear were too and there for everyone outside the bar to see was his....ahem....‘stimulus package’ swinging in the wind.

After gathering himself together (pun intended) and recovering from the initial embarrassment of this shocking public exposure John believe it or not wanted to continue working! At first he tried to fix his ripped pants with gaff tape but when that didn’t work he ended up having to wear one of the servers aprons!
Far be it for me to question the word of ‘the chosen one’ but if only the real economic ‘stimulus package’ and all its earmarks could be exposed like poor John was! (ouch)

JENNY ‘FROG’ ELBOWS MADONNA MONAHAN

It blows me away that names I have invented for many of the wonderful characters in my blog actually stick. For example at the party on numerous occasions I heard people address my Tucson friends Darragh and Melissa as Bambi and Thumper!... and they were totally cool with that!

Perhaps one of the characters who has had the most invented names in my blog at this stage is possibly my friend Jenny in Tucson. Her full title is now Jenny ‘frog’ elbows Madonna Monahan!! And what was the inspiration for these three names?

1. ‘Madonna’ because of how Jenny likes to straddle chairs (A la Vogue)

2. ‘Frog’ because of a story in her recently posted Facebook ‘25 things’ about how she caught a fly once with her tongue!! (seriously) and

3. ‘elbows’ because as I noticed at the party she kept banging her elbows into things.

I have a feeling though that this naming of characters is going to come back to haunt me someday. Sooner or later someone’s going to write a blog about me and I’m just going to have to take it like a man.

IS ERIN THE STORYTELLERS FAMILY CURSED?

Erin the storyteller tells me she thinks her family maybe cursed! But after reading Erin’s latest blog and hearing even more great stories from her family at the party on Sunday I am starting to believe they’re just lucky to keep surviving!

So from a Jack the ripper nightmare in London to a ceiling full of jumping spiders go check out Erin’s latest blog..... and you decide...Is Erin’s family really cursed? or like I suggested are they just lucky to keep surviving!?

http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=72617799&blogId=472025303
ACTUAL QUOTES FROM TUCSON....ITS THAT DESERT HEAT!

1. A woman watching a group of guys arm wrestling says loudly “C’mon guys I need some entertainment...I need something to ‘rub off’ to when I get home”.

2. I got this message in a friends e-mail:

In honor of Nadya Suleman the mother of the octuplets (aka Octomom), Denny's is offering a new breakfast meal: You get fourteen eggs, no sausage, and the guy next to you has to pay the bill.

3. I get put in my box at the party by a teenage girl who I‘m teasing for being an emo kid “Isn’t all music EMO-tional?” she quipped (ouch).

4. A woman, who shall remain nameless (see rule F in the Hugh Nation drinking game above) asks me “Would you like a vanilla shake?” then proceeds to gratuitously shake her breasts (I nearly lost an eye).

Woohoo! my first blog trilogy is complete. Please post your thoughts after the blog. Let me know how you get on with the Hugh Nation drinking game!
Have a great week my friends.

Hugh

Hello my friends!

This is part 2 of a trilogy of blogs about my recent weekend in Tucson. Yes.. there was that much blog-ability! Read on...

HUGH NATION MOB EPISODE 2: TIARA PRINCESS

The ‘get a room’ couple were not the only people to get the attention of the Hugh nation mob on Friday night (see previous blog Desert Heat Pt 1) a group of girls celebrating a 21st birthday also got the mob’s attention.

When the 21st party first arrived they were pretty tipsy and very hyper. They were all doing this high pitched voice thing every time they hugged each other “Ohhhh my gooooodddd” they kept screaming. They were also doing that thing where you wave your hands around like a seal in front of your eyes....trying to dry the tears?? God that makes me wanna puke but anyway, it was all very ‘Laguna Beach’ (the TV show).

The girl who was 21 was wearing a Tiara (surprise, surprise) and shortly after arriving this tiara princess and one of her friends came up to me and said....

“Will you sing happy birthday?”.

“Sure” I replied.

I then asked the birthday girls friend “So what’s her name?” pointing at the tiara princess. But with all the high pitched ‘daddy just bought me a BMW’ screaming I couldn’t hear her answer.

So I politely asked a second time “I can’t hear you...what’s her name?”
And as pompous as you like princess tiara and her friend shouted at me like I was retarded “JEN AS IN JENNIFER”.

In another situation I would have gone off on attitude like that but because they were pretty tipsy, young and obviously extremely high maintenance I just let it go. The Hugh nation mob however had other ideas. They started copying the high pitched screaming and the seal like hand flapping of princess tiaras party in fact not only did they copy the screams & flapping but they screamed & flapped right at them. It was like some kind of dance off!

Initially the princess and her party just threw a few dirty looks at the mob apparently being above it all (ha, ha) but as princess tiara had a few more drinks and then started to seriously struggle with gravity the mobs taunting and laughter started to really irritate princess tiara and her friends.

Then princess tiara lost the plot she started falling over and it was kind of sad but hilarious at the same time. The mob was now in stitches laughing. This high and mighty princess had reduced herself to nothing but a drunk! Princess tiara then tried to flip a bird at the mob in response but in just in the act of raising her arm off the table to throw the bird she almost fell backwards off her stool!

Her friends caught her but the princesses tiara fell forward pulling her hair down over her face. It was priceless.

The mob then continued mocking their high pitched screaming and started shouting “Ohhhh my tiarahhhh”. At this point the birthday party decided to leave and as they walked out one of the princesses friends came over to Dave Mc Guiggan and said.....

“Leave her alone she’s 21 tonight don’t be such an asshole”.

To which he replied “Oh whatever get outta here”.

She left disgusted but Dave had to follow her outside...to wave goodbye (ha, ha). Outside princess tiara was still falling over and as she passed the doorman (who was trying to help her) she said...

“You’re an asshole.... I’m gonna come back here tomorrow.... and I’m gonna tell you that”.

Overhearing this Dave told her “Go home, get out of here, why don’t you go take Dad’s money and buy another BMW”.

This REALLY pissed off princess tiaras friend and she shouted at Dave....
“Oh my God... you’re the biggest dick I’ve ever met”.

and with all the subtly of an atomic bomb Dave cooly replied....

“Well then why don’t you come and suck me.... WHORE”. (ouch)

So, I’m sure you’ll agree that in this contest Hugh Nation mob VS The tiara princess gang there was always only ever going to be one winner. Oh but can you just imagine that Tiara princess reading this? She’d be putting up her hand right now and saying... “What...ever”.

RUGBY IN THE SUN?

It was kind of weird watching a Rugby match in the Tucson afternoon sun on Saturday. You see when I think of Rugby I get a picture in my mind of rain, muck and freezing cold weather!

It was my friend Saum’s rugby game, he plays for the Tucson Magpies.
Check Saum out at www.tucsonrugby.com/poorsaleh.html
I went to the game with Dave McGuiggan (the verbal slayer of the tiara princess.....man he’s taking over this blog!) and our friend Chelsea. On a side note Chelsea is the producer of an upcoming zombie flick called ‘Dorm of the dead’.... I swear to God!...isn’t that so f**king cool??...ahem...sorry... my nerdness took over there for a moment.

So, back to the game, we met our friend Darragh (aka Thumper) there too who being the smart woman she is came totally prepared with a giant Guinness umbrella to shade her Irish complexion from the sun. Thank God for her foresight because her umbrella saved my whiter shade of pale ‘cluchie’ (Irish country boy) head from turning lobster red too.

Seeing my rugby playing friend Saum getting warmed / pumped up for his game was priceless. He really didn’t give a f**k he totally went all Gladiator and was punching his forehead and roaring like a demon! Saum plays good too he’s a great passer of the ball and man does he love to get stuck into the tackles.

Its been a while since I’ve seen a rugby game up this close and I forgot just how rough it can get...no American football padding here (ouch). One guy got a pretty serious concussion during the game which I though was hard core but when I asked Thumper why Mr concussion wasn’t going to the hospital she said it wasn’t a big deal and that there’s not much they can do for a concussion in the ER anyway!
She went on to tell me that she’s lost count of the number of concussions she’s had this year alone! (and she’s not a DOD assassin....please).
So lets recap... there I was in the Tucson afternoon sunshine sitting under a giant Guinness umbrella with a DOD assassin, a zombie movie producer and a tiara princess verbal slayer all watching our friend the demonic gladiator kick some rugby ass.

Oh there are times when I just take a deep breath and say to myself....damn I love my life.

MEILY HARRY: THE ENFORCER

My friend Meily is normally pretty laid back but on Saturday night there was a combination of little things that really got her mad. Being a musician herself I think that some of the bullshit I have to deal with at bar shows just really gets under her skin.

First when I tried to start my second set and the bar staff weren’t getting my “one two, one two” hints over the mic this irritated Meily. She knew I couldn’t start until they turmed the bar music down so she took it upon herself to fix this lack of communication.. So she went up to the bar and asked one of the staff to turn down the music but after a minute went by the music was still on. So she got up and found another member of staff, I don’t know what she said to him but whatever it was worked because he immediately went and turned the music off.

Next a bunch of idiots kept leaving their beer bottles and drinks in and around the stage (close to my electronic equipment) as they walked out the door. I wasn’t the only person who found this irritating, Meily and many other of my Tucson Hugh nation peeps were pissed about it too. Meily and some of my other friends took it upon themselves to remove these bottles as I was in the middle of playing. Obviously beer and electronics aren’t a good mix, apart from my equipment being damaged or destroyed I could also have been electrocuted. I know drunk people don’t think logically but still it was dumb.

But the final straw for Meily was when a pre Madonna audience member decided she was going to do karaoke while I was in the middle of playing a song.....I know, I know where do these f**k heads come from. Meily had been mad earlier but this karaoke wannabe really made Meily go totally Dirty Harry...I mean Meily Harry.

The cocky karaoke bitch just walked right up on stage and went to take the mic away from me in the middle of me singing a song!! She was about 22, tan bedded to f**k, drop dead gorgeous (but she knew it) and she was intent on shoving it in my face. I mean (feel the sarcasm) wow!...how could I say no... right? Well let me tell you this little bitch’s feeling of entitlement might get her anything she wants from Daddy in California but that bullshit wasn’t working on me.

I stopped playing my guitar, grabbed the mic back off her and firmly said...

“NO...that’s not how it works”.

She looked genuinely stunned. Baby got put in the corner (ouch).But when she turned around she was met with a fury far greater than mine.

Meily practically leaped over her table to get at this pompous bitch and she and a number of other Hugh nation ladies let this bitch know in no uncertain terms that f**king with our Hugh’s stuff is not on. Kristen and Kim at the bar stood up straight and looked ready to kick some ass and Maggie bounced up out of her chair like a navy seal! I thought there was about to be a major catfight! I don’t know exactly what Meily said to the karaoke wannabe maybe she flashed her Meily Harry Magnum? whatever she said or did though it worked...that karaoke bitch ran off that stage like a cheetah! And I thought it was Meily’s boyfriend (Mr McGuiggan) that was the trouble maker?

After karaoke bitch ran away I immediately started back up the song but to my surprise the karaoke diva (from down in the crowd) started singing at the top of her voice as if to demonstrate her ‘vocal prowess‘. I’m not kidding when I say wild screeching cats sounded better. I couldn’t resist taking a pot shot at her so in the middle of the song I interjected...“Wow that’s some great singing”. The crowd was laughing and as you can imagine Ms Mariah karaoke was not impressed. But I wasn’t done when I finished the song I said......

“Ok ok...let me just clear this up.... this is NOT a karaoke show”.

The crowd laughed again but I wasn’t finished....for my final shot I said...

“American Idol & Guitar Hero have a lot to answer for”.

Maybe I’m just an asshole? but damn.... did she get burned.

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE IRISH GUY WHO JOINED THE ARMY?

I met this Irish guy in Tucson on Saturday. His relatives were originally from Belfast in the North of Ireland. During the course of our conversation he told me he was in the U.S. army. I asked him what exactly he did in the army and you won’t believe what he told me. Perhaps this will only seem funny to those of you familiar with ‘the troubles’ in the North of Ireland but you’ll never guess what they have him doing?.... Blowing up stuff!

URGENT SEX! MENS VS WOMENS ROOM

This is a story that actually took place during my last trip to Tucson in January. I had heard about it at the time but hadn’t heard any first hand account of what happened until this past weekend. I just had to include it.

So my friend Kim goes to use the restroom but discovers that there’s a couple in there doing the wild thing. Not comfortable with using the cubicle next door (who could blame her) she asked a nearby bouncer would he mind getting the couple out of the restroom so she could get on with her business. The bouncer however didn’t want to go in, in fact, he suggested just letting them finish!

While Kim had been talking to the bouncer a long queue had formed outside the ladies room and the bouncer was now getting the evil eye not just from Kim but now from a line of ladies as well. As I am sure you all know when a lady REALLY needs to pee, if you have any sense, you’ll just get the hell out of the way. So the bouncer caved to group pressure and finally went in to stop the debauchery.

A minute later the couple emerged from the rest room somewhat embarrassed and then they had to (as Kim hilariously put it) do the ‘walk of shame’ past the queue of bursting to go ladies outside.

This story brought up a number of questions....

1. If the just couldn’t wait ‘urgent sex’ couple had gone into the men’s room... would the guys outside possibly have just let them finish?

2. Or would most guys have still gone into the restroom and peed in the urinal beside the Sodom & Gomorrah cubicle? and finally...

3. Upon emerging from their potty of seismology would the couple have been cheered if it had been a queue of guys outside waiting?

My guess is 1.Yes 2. Unfortunately yes... and 3. Without a doubt.

What do you think?

Have a great weekend my friends and remember to watch out for Pt 3 of this Desert Heat blog. Yes there’s even more from this weekend to share!

Hugh

Hello my friends!

I have so many stories to share with you after this past weekend in Tucson that over the next few days I’ll have to post it in 3 parts!

But before this trilogy of Irish American shenanigans begins I want to briefly draw your attention to two serious matters that I need your help with.

1. PLEASE PASS ON SOME GOOD KARMA:

I want to tell you about a young girl that needs our help, her name is Marley Herrera. Marley is the fifteen year old daughter of a friend of mine who lives in Mammoth Lakes, California. Unfortunately Marley’s life as she knew it is on hold right now. Why? because Marley is on round the clock standby awaiting a heart transplant. The call could come today...or in a year. Can you imagine your life being on hold like this?

Having had the personal experience I had with my eldest son Matthew, Marley’s story really struck a chord with me. Although Matthew’s problems were different I understand all too well what its like to be a parent in a situation like this.

So if you can spare a few moments before you read my blog I would really appreciate if you click on the link below and read Marley’s story. You can post well wishes to Marley and her family and / or make a donation to help with Marley’s mounting medical bills. Also if you know anyone else that could help Marley and her family in some way please pass on the link below.

http://marley.pledgepage.org/
2. BELIEVERS IN PRAYER I HAVE A MISSION FOR YOU

Stephanie Burns my Irish friend from Belfast (now living in Tucson) has been featured in my blogs on a few occasions in the past (You may remember I nicknamed her Tucson’s mistress of disguise!). Well unfortunately on a more somber note Stephanie got some bad news late last week, her Dad, who lives back home in the North of Ireland, was diagnosed with prostate and bone cancer.

So, for those of you Hugh blog readers who believe in the power of prayer I would sincerely appreciate if you could please direct lots of prayers towards Stephanie and her family as her Dad begins treatment this week. Thank you.

OK....ON WITH THE BLOG......

CHARLIES ......I MEAN HUGHIE’S ANGELS?

When it came time to sing the song ‘Who the f**k is Alice?’ on Thursday night I had three ladies who were helping me convert non believers to the Hugh Nation. While Darragh and Melissa (aka Bambi & Thumper) worked on some guys by the bar Jessica (my person hairstylist!) just wouldn’t take no for answer. It was simply Jessie’s way or the highway “What the f**k is wrong with you?” she loudly asked those afraid to let loose and sing along.

Given my speculation in a previous blog that Bambi and Thumper are actually undercover DOD (Department Of Defense) assassins and Jessica’s obvious take charge persona (well she is ex air force) it suddenly struck me... damn I’ve got my own Charlie’s...I mean Hughie’s angels! Thank you for your support ladies I appreciate it.

Later after the show I got more evidence that Bambi & Thumper maybe indeed undercover assassins. Thumper came over to say goodnight but when she spoke to me it was in a language I couldn’t understand? Was this some secret DOD dialect?? It was like she was talking in tongues!! Realizing her mistake Thumper quickly tried to misdirect me away from her error by suggesting the reason she couldn’t speak properly was because of the Guinness she had been drinking combined with an empty stomach and a lingering cold. It was an appropriate mis direction for an bar but I didn’t buy it for a second.

A few days later Thumper told me of her plans to move to Texas....hmmm... shit I hope my previous blog about her didn’t blow her cover! Shit that would not be cool.....my blog casually outing classified info like the f**king New York Times!

OCTOMOM RANT 2: NO SEX IN EIGHT YEARS

Last week I was ranting about how the so called ‘Octomom’ makes my blood boil. Well for better or worse I am returning to the subject of the octomom today. This time though I’m looking at her from a slightly different angle.

You see apparently ‘Octomom’ hasn’t had sex in eight years...yes... you read that right.....EIGHT YEARS! (Perhaps I am feeling some sympathy for her now?....nah)

But hang on before I begin ranting about poor sex starved octomom let me fill you in on some more pertinent information about this whack job.

Octomom says that following the latest eight babies’ birth and after she was discharged from hospital she received multiple death threats (not cool). Because of this she was apparently forced to go into hiding. Octomom says, and I quote, “There were letters and emails saying we deserved to die. There were protesters in front of my house. There are mentally disturbed people in the world.”

There are mentally disturbed people in the world??...WOW now there’s irony.

As for the father of octomom’s 14 children? Did you know that apparently octomom met him in a nightclub and went to the movies with him once before deciding she didn’t want him as a boyfriend BUT wanted him to give her children....... I am not making this up.

So now armed with these wonderful tidbits of octomom information the scene is set for me to get back to the whole octomom no sex for eight years thing....here we go.

Right so go with me on this.....imagine octomom out on a blind date with some poor unsuspecting guy.... their conversation would probably go something like....

Date: “So have you been married before?”.

Octomom: “Yeah... but it didn’t work out”.

Date: “Oh I’m sorry to hear that...do you have any kids?”.

Octomom: “Yes”.

Date: “Really how many?”.

Octomom: (pre latest eight babies) “Six”.

Date: (Running down the sidewalk screaming) “TAXI!”.

Seriously should anyone be surprised that octomom hasn’t had sex in 8 years? At the same time I wouldn’t put anything past this woman..... to be on the safe side they should put a chastity belt on her lock it and throw away the key.
You can read more about celibate octomom via the link below:

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/features/article2237580.ece
KIM’S COUGAR THEORY

My friend Kim in Tucson has a theory about ‘Cougars’. (Just in case you don’t know....A cougar is an older women who dresses up in leopard skin print clothes, shows off WAY too much overly tan bedded skin and stalks younger men). Kim’s theory goes something like this: Sorority girls wanting to continue the privileged life after college quickly evolve into ‘gold diggers’ (young women who stalk rich older men). Later after finding and marrying a rich man these gold diggers quickly get divorced, take half their ex’s money and graduate into fully fledged cougars!

Sorority girls > Gold Diggers > Cougars.

It makes sense to me...what do you think?

PICTURES OF A 100 FT SNAKE IN BORNEO! REAL OR FAKE?

So have you seen the pictures of the 100ft snake in Borneo? (see pics via the link below) What do you think, are the pictures real or fake? I’m leaning towards dodgy photo shop job myself....it would be cool if it was true....not for the natives in Borneo though!

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/malaysia/4701906/Photograph-shows-giant-snake-lurking-in-Borneo-river.html
HUGH NATION MOB EPISODE 1: THE ‘GET A ROOM’ COUPLE

The Hugh Nation was out in force on Friday night and they were fired up. Singing and clapping and generally getting their drink on. So when a young couple decided to sit nearby and make out like two horny animals how could the Hugh Nation not have something to say about it?

A Hugh Nation Mob quickly formed and they started chanting at this horny couple “Someone’s getting laid, someone’s getting laid” then they shouted “P D A, P D A” (Public Display of Affection). This horny couple initially were a little taken aback by this mob chanting at them but after a moment they just got back on with their public foreplay!

In response to the horny couples indifference the Hugh Nation mob upped their game, It was like they all went nuts for a minute. My friend Dave McGuiggan started mocking the horny couple by simulating sex with a stool and another friend Kevin grabbed his girlfriends head and pushed it down towards his waist simulating oral sex?? Everyone was laughing it was all fun & games then the mob started chanting again “Whiskey dick, whiskey dick”. The guy in the horny couple didn’t like that at all.

Then after finishing a song I got involved too and over the mic I said “Ok, ok let me sum this up...I think someone needs to GET A ROOM”....the mob cheered.
At this stage the horny couple appeared to have had enough and decided to move away from the unwanted attention but this was not to be the end of their encounter with the Hugh Nation mob. Later David McGuiggan bumped into the horny couple outside the toilets and he says to his friend “Oh look there’s the couple that want to have sex!”.

Well this was just too much for the guy in this horny couple but as he raised his fist to a punch Mr McGuiggan in the head a nearby bouncer grabbed his arm and escorted him and his horny partner outside!

Although this guy may have been escorted out and have felt hard done at that moment I can tell you that after seeing firsthand the way this couple had been making out earlier I am pretty sure they still got their freak on later. However from the Hugh Nation mob vs the 'get a room' couple showdown perspective this one is definitely chalked up as a Hugh nation mob victory!

Have a great week my friends...and watch out for Desert heat part 2 and 3 (the other two parts of this weeks blog) theres many more funny stories to come. I will be posting them over the next few days!

Hugh

Hello my friends!

I’m just back from a strange weekend in the snow resort of Mammoth Lakes. Read on.....

BEWARE OF THE LONE PINE MCDONALDS PSYCHO SENIORS

On my way up to Mammoth Lakes on Thursday I stopped at McDonald's in the very scenic town of Lone Pine. I did not expect a blogable story to occur on this brief pit stop but that the way it is, blogable stories just seem to sneak up on me when I least expect it.

In front of me in line were two seniors, a husband and wife, all seemed normal as the husband started to order “I want a quarter pounder” he said softly but then suddenly he looked up and his whole demeanor changed it was like something had flicked a switch on in his brain.

He puffed up his chest, leaned over the cash register, he got up in the face of the McDonald’s employee who was taking his order and at the top of his voice very slowly he shouted “NOOOO CHEESE, NOOOO PICKLES”. He literally shouted at her like she was retarded?

The smiley Hispanic girl behind the counter was very obviously new (I suspect her first day) and her command of the English language was shaky at best. Maybe this was what triggered Mr. psycho-seniors ‘episode’?

I know McDonalds are infamous for getting orders wrong, and especially for high maintenance individuals (you know the type, the people who order salad with no lettuce or a cheese burger with no cheese). Anyway regardless of the shouting in her face the Hispanic girl kept smiling as if nothing had happened. Kudos to her as she actually handled it pretty good... “No cheese, no pickles...ok” she said (who knows maybe psycho seniors is normal in Lone Pine?).

So now that psycho quarter pounder man was done I was about to step forward to make my order when out of nowhere psycho senior number 2 appeared and stepped right in front of me blatantly skipping the line! What the f**k? I would have said something to the old fart but in truth he was so f**king old I bet he wouldn’t have heard me.

Then after finally getting to order, my snack wraps and coffee, (a little detail included especially for all you ‘I never eat in McDonalds’ judge mental bastards) I went to wash my hands in the restroom and as I exited the restroom, hands clean, there standing right in front of me blocking my way was... ‘Psycho Senior 3: On Weed’ (God sequels can really suck) well this senior was not angry in fact he seemed very ‘mellow’??

Let me explain... you see as I mentioned earlier the town of Lone Pine is very scenic. Caught between two mountain ranges there really is a very panoramic view. This McDonalds was designed with a lot of windows to make the most of this great scenery and when Senior psycho 3 had exited the restroom he was literally stopped in his tracks by a truly stunning view...I guess he had to just stop and take it in.

I politely said “Excuse me” but he didn’t move, he was transfixed by the view. Maybe it was his meds the altitude and the view that all mixed up sent him on a trip? Whatever it was I had to wait for him to return to earth before I could move. Believe me when I say that after this view trippin’ senior finally realized I was stuck behind him and moved I collected my order and couldn’t have left the place any faster.

So if you are ever passing through Lone Pine don’t say you haven’t been warned as I ‘ve said before meds and altitude don’t mix.....beware of the Lone Pine psycho seniors!

OCTOMOM MAKES MY BOIL BOIL

I am sure most of you have heard the recent story about the single mother of six in Southern California who just gave birth to octuplets. Well I watched an interview on TV with this woman who has been nicknamed ‘octomom’ last week and oh my God did it make my blood boil.

I discovered from the interview that of the six children ‘Octomom’ already has that three are receiving special needs benefits...why? One is autistic, another is diagnosed as ADD and another has a speech delay with some autistic traits. With the experience of my son having a speech delay which thankfully he has made a recovery from I know first hand that when kids have problems they need A LOT of attention and two parents. How can these children with special needs possibly get the attention they need with now 11 brothers and sisters and only one parent?

How could any single mom of six even contemplate having one more child let alone want herself to be implanted with EIGHT more embryo‘s! It just boggles the mind. I think it is best described in the words of Octomom’s mother. She described her daughters decision to have eight more as “Unconscionable”.
I take no pleasure in telling you that in my opinion this octomom is totally f**king nuts and I feel sure any rational thinking person who watched the interview with her would have felt the same way. Octomom says it was her dream to have a big family great now who’s going to pay for it? The taxpayers of California including me that’s who.

As for the doctor who put the 8 embryo’s in octomom? well that idiot ‘enabler’ is insane too and in for a world of litigation... but that’s a whole other story.
Speaking of doctors did you know that there were forty seven doctors involved in the birth of Octomoms eight new kids (who were all born premature)? The total cost of Octomoms ‘dream’ even before she gets her kids home is conservatively estimated at about one million dollars.

I could go on and on about this woman there was so much information in the interview that was just mind blowing like the fact that octomom apparently has a BA in psychology ???? and when she gets her masters (like she going to have time to study now) she claims that she wants to work as a counselor ???? I am not making this up. Oh and then there’s the fact octomom has had extensive plastic surgery. The interview showed an old picture of octomom and a close up of her face now.... its was shocking .... Micheal Jackson / Angelina Jolie -esque......Jesus give me patience.

It looks like this whole thing is an orchestrated circus. Its like octomom has planned from day one to hit paydirt and raise her 14 kids with the money she’d make from becoming a celebrity super mom. More like the queen of selfish, narcissistic instant gratification. I feel certain there’s only more madness going to be revealed as this octomom story unravels.

So tell me what do you think? Am I just a mean and uncaring bastard? do you think we should be sympathetic to this woman? Please comment after the blog.

AN AWKWARD HANDSHAKE

This guy bounces up to the stage on Friday night and asks me can he come up and ‘rap over a blues jam’ with me? I politely told him “Maybe later” which is my nice way of saying ‘Hell no’. He seemed harmless enough, an older man in his late 50’s, balding with a very 70’s looking beard and scientist like glasses. He proceeded to introduce himself “Hi I’m Joe Bloggs” he said and then as he put out his hand to shake mine I looked down to see where his hand was so my hand could meet his and that’s when suddenly everything went into slow motion......

God help the guy but his hand was seriously f**ked up. I suspect he could have been a soldier and this was the some sort of horrific battle injury. Some of his fingers were half the normal size and badly twisted and his pinky finger was really skinny and stuck out at an awkward angle and strangely it twitched...it was almost insect like.

Then as I actually shook his hand time suddenly returned to normal and then as I continued to shake his hand firmly I looked him in the eye and said “Hi I’m Hugh”. I could see he must have seen the brief flash of shock in my eyes when I first saw his hand and I felt like a right asshole but this feeling was counteracted by my firm (Irish style) handshake and the way I looked at him. In this gesture words were silently spoken, if you know what I mean.

Maybe my experience of working with kids and adults with all types of physical and mental disabilities kicked in. I know that being easy going with people who have disabilities and treating them like you would anyone like they aren’t different is a precious gift to them. In a world where the physically disabled and amputees are sometimes treated like they are ‘contagious’ a certain look can go a million miles.

THE MAN HATE WITCH?

This cute Asian chick had a bunch of guys wrapped around her finger on Saturday night in the pub. She was like a puppet master the way she had them falling all over her. She had roped them into playing a pub game that I’ve not seen before, a game that guaranteed nothing except humiliation for all the guys who tried it. The game was as follows....

She put a five dollar bill on the ground (no the $5 asian joke was not intended) and she said ok if you can bend down, hold your toes and jump over the bill (while continuing to hold onto your toes) and land with your heels on the other side of the bill you can keep it.

It all sounded simple, that is until they tried it. She had these guys falling over making total idiots of themselves and the more they tried to do it and failed the more frustrated they got. Meanwhile this Asian puppet master just stood back and smiled. It struck me like she was almost Mr. Burns (The Simpson’s) like I could almost see her run her fingers back and forth together and say “Excellent”.

Go ahead and try to do this yourself.....you’ll be surprised...its actually harder than you think. Now imagine you’re a dude (if you’re not a dude) trying to do this while being drunk and trying to impress a girl... and then repeatedly failing at it. It was a lose lose situation. You know the more I think about it now the more I am convinced that cute Asian chick puppet master was definitely some kind of man hating witch!

QUOTES FROM ALTITUDE:

1. Q: Was it my cravat or my beret that gave it away?

“Can we sit anywhere?” a customer asked me as if I was a server..

Me: (going with it) "Sure".

The customer then sees me stringing up my guitar feels bad about mistaking me for being a server and comes up to me and says

“Sorry I didn’t know you were ‘the artist’ ”.

(The artist formerly known as Hugh to you!)

2. Q: Should I be flattered or insulted?

“So what do you want to hear?” I asked the audience

“We love everything you’re good at” shouted up a very enthusiastic girl. All her friends looked at her like she was losing the plot... or was it smoking too much pot?

Me: “Do you want to rephrase that?”.

3. The how you know its time to go home in an Irish bar moment:

As a group was leaving they decided to start dancing when the song I was playing was finished they then were impatiently waiting for the next song to start. An older lady in the group who was a tad tipsy shouted at me...

“Oh don’t play another f**king Irish song”.

Knowing I was actually Irish her friends looked totally mortified. I looked at her and over the mic with utter condescension I said “I think its time to go home”.

4. A quote that speaks for itself.....and everything that is Mammoth Lakes CA

“Oh my God I can’t want to go home to the heat, I’m gonna take my clothes off and dance my f**king ass off”.

Have a great week my friends.

Hugh

Hello my friends!

Welcome to my latest tales from the road blog. This weeks blog is a real strange trip... read on...

ITS OFFICIAL....MY FRIENDS AND I ARE ALL MUTANTS!

I finally got sucked into doing this new ‘25 things’ thing that is being passed around on Facebook recently. For those of you that don’t know what this is, its basically where you post a note with 25 quirky pieces of info about yourself on Facebook and then post it to 25 of your friends encouraging them to do the same thing.

I got sucked into doing this after being requested to do so many times and after reading many of my friends hilarious and revealing 25 things. I have compiled some of my friends 25 things into short paragraphs below. Why? because I think its amazing what you can learn about people in just ‘25 things’.

Personally I am now convinced that all my friends and I are x-men..seriously...its like we’re all mutants! Read on and you’ll see what I mean.

To be fair I’m going to start off with myself...

(X-men code name: Machine) I have an weird unexplainable scar on my left ear, I don’t like avocados and I believe I was a pilot in a past life. My middle name is Fergus and when it comes to sushi I just can’t get my head past the whole raw fish thing. I can’t lie to save my life and I used to cry as a child when Star Trek was over on TV. I believe everything happens for a reason and in the existence of extra terrestrials oh and my blood boils when people say “Uh huh” repeatedly in conversation. Also because of my high tolerance for intensive work schedules I have the nickname ‘The machine’.

(X-men code name: Frog) She can make her ears squeak, is terrified of swimming, boating and enclosed spaces. She can’t wear watches (they always break down after a few hours!), has to shoot a shot gun from the hip... because of her boobs?, still wants Fox Mulders love child, she can weld, is energized by thunderstorms and has a tongue like a frog (apparently she caught a fly with it once!).

(X-men code name: Shark): named after a princess, founder of shark teeth anonymous, has double jointed-elbows a fear of bellybuttons, flying and leaving voicemail. She dreams of being a rock drummer and motorbike riding around the world, she does not like people talking shit about her hometown and f**king hates jazz.

(X-men code name: Sonic shaker): has colorless eyes, triple jointed pinky fingers, an old soul and has broken every bone in her body! She loves the dark, hiking and guava juice. She has a five octave vocal range (and can break glass with her voice), is obsessed with butterflies & dolphins, hates cats and loves kittens!?

(X-men code name: Traveler): Loves cheese and sushi, longs for teleportation, owns a three bedroom house and earned three college degrees. She has never broken a bone but once ruptured her eardrum, hates onions and stupid people. She loves traveling and really wants a bulldog, loves sci-fi and claims to be an “American-mutt”?

Now finally I’ll leave the last sarcastic word to a friend in Tucson who decided to take the piss out of everyone who’s been sucked into this ‘25 things’ mutant revealing black hole.

(X-men code name: Sarcast-erine) Self confessed hamster torturer, believes in natural selection and loves her pinky toe. She wants to go to Pluto ‘for the skiing’, doesn’t want to end up happy and hates brussel sprouts. Her favorite color is mustard yellow, she’s a people person most of the time but would just rather not hear/see/talk or associate with them. She was once arrested for trying to publicly seduce a lamppost and she loves Kelly Clarksons hair.

WTF? IS THE CIRCUS IN TOWN?

I met some ‘unusual’ characters on Friday night at a show in Orange County. First up this couple arrives into the bar wearing full on wild west outfits. Why? well apparently they go to different restaurants dressed like this all the time to promote their local ‘Fiesta Association’ (basically a group that gets together organizes cook outs, parades etc and likes to play dress up).
They introduced themselves to me as ‘Senor San Juan’ and ‘Ms. Fiesta’. (Apparently every year in the nearby city of San Juan Capistrano they follow the tradition of selecting two representatives, a Senor San Juan & a Ms Fiesta, for their ‘Swallows Day’ Parade).

Senor & Ms Fiesta appeared to be a married couple they were white in their late forties round-ish and jolly. Senor next gave me a postcard which had a picture on it of Ms. Fiesta and himself in a bathtub (fully clothed...thank God) with a large bunch of carrots (I am not making this up). Naturally with my blog radar now on Def Con 4 I got into conversation with them.

“So are you guys into past lives or something?” I said jokingly.

“No not really...but we can go with that” said the jolly Senor.

“I have a lot of friends who are big into Renaissance fares I guess you are probably into that scene too right?” I asked.

“Oh we’re not crazy like that” replied Ms. Fiesta.

Wow! I guess ‘crazy’ really is a matter of perspective.

Speaking of crazy that leads me onto the next character that arrived into the bar on Friday night. This guy made Senor San Juan & Ms. Fiesta look totally harmless . Let me start by describing him....

He was about 5’ 10, skinny with cheaply bleached long blonde hair which was crowned with a jester like multicolored hat. He was wearing a black hoodie zipped up only half way with nothing underneath except some gangsta rap like chains hanging round his neck. He was wearing blue jeans and peppermint green deck shoes....oh and he was wearing shades (indoors). He was like a twisted cross between Capt Jack Sparrow and a meth head.

He introduced himself to me by putting a $5 bill at my feet (apparently he couldn’t see my tipjar) and in a very pirate-esque voice he said.....

“Nice stuff man...hey dude... do you know who I am?”.

“No” (I said... trying not to laugh).

“Dude I’m from the Steve Miller band...I’m the writer” he said.

“Really” I said.

“Yeah I just released a solo CD and a book...I’m doing good man, real good I made 1 point 8 million dollars last year alone”.

Realizing I was surely speaking to the OC spokesperson for lunatics anonymous I politely nodded and went into the next song. Crazy horse then sat right up front and started waving his hands around dramatically as if he was conducting me!!

After the song he popped another $5 at my feet and said....

“Dude another nice song... man I don’t know you’re name dude... so I’ll just call you Dude...yeah...I prefer that....DUDE” and he chuckled to himself.

I had to shake my head to see was I dreaming...I mean where the f**k where all these crazy people coming from? Has my blog radar turned me into a magnet to madness? Please tell me the circus was in town....PLEASE!

MY MOMENT OF NERD SHAME

I have a confession to make, a moment of shame. I think I’ll feel better if I just bring it all out in the open. I hope that the BSG (Battlestar Galactica) fans out there will at least sympathize with my inner nerd taking over my brain and making me lose the plot.

For some reason I felt the need to change the words of the song ‘Alice’ on Saturday night from “Alice, Alice who the f**k is Alice?” to...ahem...please be gentle with me..

“Starbuck, Starbuck who the ‘frack’ is Starbuck?”.

Non nerds if you have no idea of how nerdy that was just quickly go onto the next story but for all you nerds and super nerds out there I apologize. I know, I know...I broke the unofficial golden rule of nerd-dom ‘One must be modest in ones nerdiness’.

HELIUM AFTER PARTY:

After the show on Saturday night some of my Fresno friends and I were sitting around a table chatting when one of the bar staff approached my friend Katie (aka Sonic Shaker) and asked her would she like to take the helium balloons that were left after the birthday party. Now why Katie was singled out as a balloon lover and why she took the balloons I’m not really sure?... but her taking these balloons was the catalyst to my first ever helium after party!

Sonic Katie started us off by sucking up some helium and singing along with that mushy song by the band All 4 One called ‘I Swear’ which was playing in the bar. It was hilarious. I am sure you’ve all f**ked around with helium at some point and as silly as it is I still find it hilarious every time I hear people vocally turn into Mickey mouse.

I ended up going next but for whatever reason I couldn’t seem to inhale enough helium out of the balloon this prompted someone to say I needed “a bigger hole” in the balloon. Then as the ‘bigger hole’ debate went on I made a final attempt to gain more helium and my balloon rapidly deflated. This ‘bigger hole’ debate and my now deflated balloon prompted an outburst drunken sexual innuendo which I’ll leave to your imagination.

“Does anyone have a pocketknife?” Sonic then asked....wanting to get back to the pass the helium sing song and make that ‘bigger hole’ in the next balloon.
I turned immediately to my friend Rob (also know as ‘Okie’) who is originally from Oklahoma and a very obvious Nascar fan. He was naturally the first person I expected to produce a knife... and he did. Knowing Rob as I do the fact he had a knife on him wasn’t that surprising to me... I was just surprised the knife wasn‘t bigger!

So now equipped with our bigger balloon hole we got the pass the helium party rolling again. By request I sang ‘Galway Bay’! Rob then sang ‘16 tons’ (Rob’s voice is ‘unique’ already and with helium...WOW!). Ian then sang ‘Follow me up to Carlow’.

Then things got all broadway when Kelly sang ‘Memories’ (from Cats) Brandon sang ‘On the street where you live’ (from My Fair Lady) and by my request Sonic Katie sang ‘Somewhere out there’(From the Disney movie ‘An American Tale: Fievel Goes West‘) all of which got big laughs.

I then encouraged Katie D. (who says she can’t sing) to rant about politics (as she is known to do) with helium. She said she needed the right subject to get her fired up and her boyfriend Brandon revealed that clubbing baby seals was THE subject guaranteed to set her off...a private revelation apparently for which he would pay...he said and I quote “I won’t be getting any tonight”. Oh the sacrifices made in the circle of helium.

Finally we got Katie D. to rant about the baby seals and it was so weird to hear her ranting about such a horrific thing in that high pitched mouse voice. While on the subject of animal rights etc Rob chimed in that he was against what PETA has become. Knowing Katie D’s political views I thought I was about to witness an Nascar Okie vs a Frisco hippie chick brawl...but to my surprise they actually agreed with each other!!

Then it struck me... maybe if all the asshole politicians and bickering leaders across the world sucked a little helium they’d all get along better too!

My God last week I was suggesting they should convert the UN into an Irish pub and now I’m talking about passing out helium to senators and congressmen!!
It’s all about hope and change people...the UN an Irish bar with helium after party rooms? Hope and change people...now don’t you wish I was president? You know I’d bring change you could believe in!

THE STORYTELLER FINALLY STARTS HER OWN BLOG

I am happy to report that my Tucson friend Erin (aka ‘The Storyteller’) whose stories I have recounted to you many times in previous blogs has now started her own blog.

I encourage you to go and read it and leave her some encouraging comments. If we can now get her to keep going with her new blog I guarantee you are going to hear some absolutely hilarious tales.

Just click on the link below to go straight to Erin’s blog:

http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=72617799&blogID=469478341
Have a great week my friends!

Hugh

Hello my friends!

PRETTY IN PINK?

When I got into Tucson on Thursday afternoon my friend Dave Mc Guiggan who kindly puts me up (or is it puts up with me?) every time I’m in town was printing off a Hugh poster for me on his computer when something strange occurred. The printer was low on ink but instead of just printing my poster with weaker color or streaks it printed everything in bright pink!!

Many of you have seen my gig poster, its black and white with a color picture of me standing there smiling in my denim jacket holding my electric guitar. Well it was amazing what this unintentional ‘queer eye for the straight guy’ printer moment had done to my poster, it was a truly shocking image transformation.... suddenly an innocent Irish rocker (yours truly) was ready to be booked on his first national pride parade tour.

EVERYBODY SAY HEY! WE WANT ‘SUM POOSIE’

On Friday night I heard about this new energy drink called ‘Sum Poosie’. I thought initially it was a joke, I mean how could you market a drink with a name like that? Can you imagine ordering it?

Barman: “What do you want buddy?”

Customer: “Ah... I’ll have Sum poosie please”.

I swear to God I’m not making this up....I held a bottle of the stuff in my hand and saw an official ‘Sum Poosie’ t-shirt! Here’s link to an newspaper article about it......

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/130443/sum_poosie_provocative_energy_drink.html?cat=3
Or just follow the link below to the Sum Poosie My Space page!

www.myspace.com/thinkpinkdc
PRIDE OF IRELAND

I have heard so many different words both Irish & American used to describe boobs that its kind of scary. I mean boobs must hold a record in the English language for the part of the human anatomy that has the most invented slang words. But instead of getting all Freudian and talking about a desire to go back to being breastfed I’ll just simply say that boobs are without a doubt an obsession for both men and women.

I really thought I’d heard every word invented for boobs but to my surprise on Friday I heard a brand new way to describe them. My friend Saum told an Irish girl (who shall remain nameless) to her face that her boobs were and I quote “The pride of Ireland”. It was funny at the time but as you’ll read a few stories on this phrase would come back to haunt him the following night.

QUEBEC REQUEST

This hippy looking girl came up to me on Friday while I was on break and she said...

“Excuse me”

“Yes” I said.

“Can I request a song? she asked

“Sure” I said and hearing her unusual accent I asked “Where are you from?”

“Oh I am from Quebec, Canada...you know the French speaking part?” she said “But you see” she went on before I could answer, like there was something she just had to get off her chest.

“I sold everything I had to come here to Tucson and my boyfriend just cheated on me so could you please play me a song ?”.

Wow...what a dramatic plea! what do you say to something like that... except yes?

PRIDE OF IRAN

My friend Saum who I mentioned earlier coining the phrase ‘Pride of Ireland” is simply a hit with the ladies. Described by some as a lookalike for NBA star Tony Parker and others as the image of a young Omar Sharif (actor from the movie Dr Zhivago). I guess Saum's Iranian heritage lends itself to that whole 'dark & mysterious' thing that girls can't seem to get enough of.

Well after the show on Saturday night some of the ladies at the bar managed to convince Saum to have his picture drawn like Kate Winslet did in Titanic! How this came up and how Saum was convinced into it? I’m not sure? but after the deal was struck, so to speak, Saum was joking around and lay down on a bench in the bar mimicking the same position Winslet struck in Titanic
And then it hit me ”Damn Saum” I said “Now YOU are... The pride of Iran”.

CONVERT THE U.N. INTO AN IRISH BAR

Its great to see so many different nationalities of people at my shows singing along and having a good time with drunken Irish songs. As I looked out on Sat night I saw Chinese, French, Iranian, British, Mexican, Canadian, Indian, Japanese & Scottish audience members all singing, clapping and banging glasses along with me.

I seriously doubt you’d get this kind of ‘brotherhood of man’ moment even at the so called United Nations. I say they should convert the UN building in New York into a giant Irish pub!.... seriously... then we might get some peace on earth. Ok so there might be a few bar brawls but at the end of these fights everyone would just shake hands and be friends again, it would be seen as just part of the peace negotiation process. (No I have not been drinking)

WAIT.....THAT SOUNDS ALL WRONG

I am in the middle of talking to this girl in Tucson who is a fellow songwriter (lets call her Jane). So I am talking to Jane about my Los Angeles based songwriting teacher Harriet Schock and how Harriet also does correspondence courses.....

“I believe she does lessons online” I said

“Really?” said Jane “Maybe I could do lessons with her that way”

Without thinking I asked Jane “Do you have a webcam?”

I was of course talking about Jane working with my songwriting teacher online but I realized that what I said could be easily misconstrued....

“ Wait...that sounds all wrong” I said

Thankfully Jane laughed and seeing someone getting ready to buy one of my CD’s she winked and said “Oh I’d better let you go and sell yourself” (What!?)

“Don’t feel so bad about the webcam comment” said Jane “I guess now we’re even”.

WORKING THE CATWALK....IN AN IRISH BAR?

My friend David McGuiggan sometimes has what you could call ‘moments of uniqueness’ at my shows. Basically the exhibitionist in him takes control of his body and makes him do crazy stuff.

So I see he’s about to have one of these moments when he starts clearing all the glasses on his table and jumps up on it with that unique look in his eye. However after initially going for his swinging monkey routine (which I reported in a previous blog) I could see Dave thinking ‘Nah this is so done, I need to take things to another level’.

So without a moments hesitation he strode down the bar stepping from table to table now in full male model / male stripper hybrid mode pausing from time to time to work his ass up in the faces of unsuspecting customers. Everyone was laughing and cheering him on and he had dollars hanging out of his jean pockets. It was as if he’d turned the tables in the bar into his own personal catwalk. I wish I’d taken a picture, it was a sight to see.

THANK YOU TUCSON!

I want to thank everyone who came out to my shows this weekend in Tucson (some of you came out all three nights!) I sincerely appreciate your support.

Have a great week my friends!

Hugh

Hello my friends!

Welcome to my latest tales from the road blog. This week I am reporting to you about high altitude compulsive strippers, Presidential limo rims, Facebook inauguration headlines, Manchester boys on tour, a hot broken arm?, a conversation starting shoelace!, a Mammoth Lakes cougar fest and my friends Brad’s new blog Read on......

STRIPPER INTRO: MOM’S GONE WILD

I had only started setting up for my weekend of shows at about 5:30pm on Thursday afternoon when the Mammoth Lakes craziness began. My theory is that altitude really f**ks with peoples minds and after what happened next I feel I need no more proof.

Ok so behind me where I’m setting up there is a pool table in a small room this is where the main character in this story, an older woman in her late 40s, was hanging out. She was playing pool with her daughter and her daughters boyfriend. They were loud especially the Mom and when I overheard them discussing a photo the daughter had taken on her cell phone of her boyfriends... ahem... ‘manhood’ I knew this was a blog story just waiting to happen.

“Yes I saw that” said the Mom talking about the cell picture “Very impressive”.

“Thanks” said the boyfriend.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

Shortly after this little chat with her possible future son in law the Mom decided to have a little fun with a guy at the bar (who she seemed to know).

Before I go on let me state for the record that I didn’t see everything that happened next (the Mom was still in the pool room behind me) but I did hear what I didn’t see firsthand from this guy at the bar afterwards.

Honestly though I didn’t need to hear his testimony afterwards because between the flirty conversation the Mom and the guy at the bar were having and the facial expressions I saw on the guy at the bars face I got the general idea of what was going down.

Ok, so first this Mom gone wild teased the guy at the bar by lifting up her shirt a little but when that didn’t get the desired result (he asked for more) she flashed one boob. He cheered and now encouraged by his outward appreciation she then proceeded to give him...excuse my crassness.... a full rack flash.

His now loud cheers for her ‘exposure’ brought guys from the other side of the bar over to get a better view of the show in progress but instead of getting shy with the extra attention this Mom gone wild was not getting she decided to take things to the next level.

What she did next you may find hard to believe but there were multiple witnesses.

She lifted her shirt up exposing her boobs with one hand and with the other hand she pulled her jeans down..... basically a full frontal flash.

I didn’t actually see this but I knew by the way the guy at the bar’s head jolted back that he had just received more information than even he had expected! He genuinely looked like he wasn’t sure whether to cheer.... or run!

Then with her flashing/stripping show over the Mom gone wild tried to backtrack a little by proceeding to explain to everyone around that she was actually and I quote...

“Really quite conservative”.

The mind boggles at this logic. I did learn afterwards that this mom gone wild had been drinking since 11 that morning, not that provides any insight to her moment of madness.

I’m telling you its the altitude! You mix altitude with alcohol, hormones, testosterone, plastic surgery, cougars (more cougar stories coming up) and you get the same result every time...madness!

INAUGURATION DAY FACEBOOK HEADLINES

Leaving this past weekend for just a moment I am now jumping back to last Tuesday which was an historic day as Barack Obama the first ever African American president was inaugurated. By the way did you see the rims on President Obama’s new presidential limo? Not that I’m a ‘rim’ expert or anything but you can see why the new presidential limo got nicknamed ‘The Beast’! Our new president is now ridin’ like fiddy cent!!

Below are a collection of facebook headlines posted on inauguration day. I have put them together here in my blog for fun and as a record of the atmosphere on the day. There was a wide array of emotions on display including love, humor, sarcasm, humility, hysteria and some hate but no matter what your political allegiance I am sure the comments below will at the very least entertain you.
SB: really cannot believe that this Bush/Cheney nightmare is actually over. Halle-feckin-lujah!

PBD is OBAMANIZED!

AM: is awake to witness history unfold.

DM: only worries about the "change" in his pocket. Obama = Carter.

AW: has chills!
AW: is standing up.
AW: 's nipples are hard.
AW: soul is getting greener.
AW: sees an ever changing world. Look on tempests and we will never falter. God's grace and freedom to ALL.
AW: wants to marry this guy.
AW: is goodbye bush... hello pussy!

KC: is WOW! He is so inspirational. I had the chills while he was speaking!

RL: Mission Accomplished!

AM: is so grateful to be alive and is ready and willing for change. I'm glad we're all in this together.
AM: is um... wow!!! Starbucks commercial... Yay for corporate entities promoting CHANGE!

CB: is proud to be an American.

KG: :: Cheney in a wheelchair? Perhaps the devil is beginning to collect on his part of the selling of his soul deal.

PL: John McCain was my candidate, Barack Obama is my president. God bless America.

SP: says "you should be proud to be an American every day, and should be proud of your country every day. Do not be a fair weather American."

GO: is full of hope and pride.

DM: I guess all the problems in the world go away today with our new leader, right? HA!

CT: is hopeful for this country now! Go Obama!

AHV: is declaring tomorrow "get sh*t done day" in answer to the President's call for action and responsibility.

JS: is sincerely hoping that in their retirement, Dick Cheney takes George Bush quail hunting.

SB: is watching the parade and still getting goosebumps :)
.
JRC: is waving goodbye to Bush and his awesome sense of humor.

GML: is glad we finally have a president who is making all of us accountable. WE are the change!

MANCHESTER BOYS ON TOUR

I met three guys from Manchester, England this weekend in Mammoth. They are a few weeks into a three month vacation stint of ski resorts. We got chatting about football (soccer) naturally. One of the guys supported Manchester United another Manchester City and the other Newcastle Utd. (All English Premiership football league sides) With me being an Arsenal supporter (another club in the same league) this made for some lively sporting debate. These guys are involved in some of the stories coming up so I just wanted to introduce them to you before I get to the next few tales from the road.

For what’s coming up I’m going to give them nicknames 1. Robbie, he was a singer and got up and sang ‘Wonderwall’ with me. 2. Justin, he was big into dancing and pulled out all these Timberlake like moves on the dancefloor and 3. Coolio, a laid back Newcastle fan who made wearing a ski hat in a bar look cool.

CAN A BROKEN ARM BE HOT?

Walking around with a broken arm in a ski resort is always going to be a real conversation starter, especially if you’re a cute blonde college girl. One of the Manchester boys, Robbie, couldn’t let this gift wrapped opportunity pass by and he asked......

“So what happened to your arm?”.

Her explanation, if true, was certainly original.

Apparently she broke her arm when she fell off a bull riding machine and to top it off this happened while she was attending an N.R.A. (National Rifle Association) event!!

Phew...apologies for the Paris Hilton reference but in my humble opinion that’s HOT.

THE SHOELACE ANGLE

While on the subject of conversation starters as I was on break on Thursday night I got talking to this guy who while conversing with me was continually playing with a white shoelace that was hanging around his neck.

Naturally I asked “Why do you have that on your neck?”.

“Oh, its a great conversation starter” he replied.

Wow the ‘shoelace angle’. I have to admit that’s a first for me.

MAMMOTH LAKES A.K.A. ‘COUGAR CENTRAL’

There was a lot of cougars on the prowl in Mammoth Lakes this weekend. What do I mean by cougar? For those of you unfamiliar with the term here’s a definition from urban dictionary.com. Cougar: An older woman who frequents clubs & bars in order to score with a much younger man.

And what do cougars look like you might ask? It varies, but generally speaking if you see lots of leopard skin clothes, long nails and zero subtlety in the skin exposure department you’ll know you’re dealing with a cougar.

This one particular group of three cougars were at two of my shows over the weekend and I got to see their whole drama unfold. For the purpose of this blog I’m going to name them Scary, Prissy and 2nicey.

It wasn’t long before these three cougars had men hanging around them like drunks at a keg. In fairness they came to have a good time and soon got up dancing but my first verbal encounter with them got ugly when I uttered the following statement to the crowd.

“Hang on a minute. This is Mammoth Lakes not L.A.... now put your f**king hands up”.

The crowd cheered and obliged my request a pretty standard thing for me to say but Scary cougar was not impressed and as I continued playing the song she bounded (ha ha) onto the stage got right up in my face and with vicious intensity said.

“I’m from L.A.... I don‘t appreciate you dissing my hometown”.

Talk about missing the point but anyway I was now singing a song and I looked at her as if to say...‘You’re f**king crazy’. Regardless she bounded back down to her cougar buddies very satisfied with herself.

As the night progressed Prissy cougar who appeared sober seemed to be keeping her fellow cougars from going too far with the boys they were playing with. Because they were married? I’m not sure, but, after a while in spite of Prissy’s efforts both Scary and 2nicey cougars were ‘getting face time’ with some guys.

2nicey cougar got burned by her Rico Suave though. She came back from a restroom break to find Rico taking turns dirty dancing with two other cougars. A cougar getting played and dissed like this...ouch.

The following night Prissy cougar finally dropped her shields and seemed very keen on one of the boys from Manchester that I mentioned earlier, Justin. This young man’s Timberlake moves on the dance floor really seemed to impress her. I guess he was young enough to get her cougar sensors online! Unfortunately when she made a move on him she discovered to her horror that he was gay! I saw it all go down...wow these cougars were crashing and burning this weekend. Scary cougar did seem to keep her claws in one guy though so it wasn’t all a loss.

It is amazing what I see unfold while I play. If I had camera’s recording with me everywhere I went can you imagine the reality show that would make?

STRIPPER FINALE: SWAP SHIRT FEST

Right at the end of the night on Saturday this group of college kids comes running up to the dance floor all pumped they were practically bouncing off the walls with energy. One girl asked could she dance in front of me on the stage and then kept jumping off the stage up onto her boyfriend who would catch her jumping at him legs open on his waist, he then would swing her up and down like she was on a swing. She kept doing this like a kid wanting to do a ride at an amusement park over and over again.

Next this bouncy college girl decided on the spur of the moment to just take her shirt off! Why exactly I’m not sure, but, after she did and now found herself standing there before the audience, on stage, in her bra she looked like she suddenly thought to herself ‘Oh shit what have I done?’ but it was too late the crowd roared at this unexpected showing of college girl boobs and even worse now her friends were inspired!

Taking their bouncy friends lead they all gathered and lined up at the front of the stage (guys and girls) they all ripped their shirts off and started swapping them around like they were at the end of a football (soccer) game!!

All I can say is seeing is believing, go to Mammoth Lakes California, you’ll believe.

CHECK OUT BLOG: THE WORLD ACCORDING TO BRAD

Finally let me tell you the good news about my good friend Brad (one of the first ever Hugh Nation members). Brad has officially started his own irreverent, un politically correct blog you’ve got to check it out. Its a blog where stupidity is viciously exposed and Irish common sense enters like an atom bomb into the blogsphere. To see his new blog click on the link below it will take you to Brad's myspace profile. I have a feeling you’ll love it.
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=14687642
Have a great week my friends!

Hugh

Hello my friends!

Welcome to my latest tales from the road blog.

Having played at a LAWim event at the M Bar in Hollywood last November I was honored to be invited back this week to be part of LAWim’s ‘Best of’ fall songwriter Soiree. (LAWim, Los Angeles Women in Music, is a nonprofit organization dedicated to fostering equal opportunity for women and men in the music industry. For more info visit: www.lawim.com)

Just before this Hollywood show I brought my acoustic guitar to my guitar guru Bernie Tusko. A few months back I mentioned Bernie in my blog about the movie ‘Once’. Bernie recently worked his guitar guru magic on Oscar winner Glen Hansard‘s guitar. (Glen Hansard stars in the movie ‘Once’ and wrote the song from the movie which won the 2008 ‘Best Song’ Oscar).

I had been recently having tuning problems with my guitar and wanted to resolve the problem before this show. Bernie, as always, quickly discovered the problem and after he worked on my guitar it felt, sounded and looked like it had spent a weekend at a luxury guitar spa! Now I was so ready to rock this Hollywood show.

(Check out the story of how Bernie literally saved the life of my electric guitar at his website: www.molotovbros.com)

Ok back to the Hollywood show, so as I started playing the first song (‘Finding Ireland In America’) I noticed a distorted sound every time I strummed my guitar a little stronger, in my head I went ‘F**K’ but having already started I didn’t show my frustration and just kept going. I knew it wasn't my guitar but as the old saying goes 'the show must go on' and so it did.

Then right at the end of the song I broke a string!! I couldn’t believe it, I change my strings at least once a week and as a result I haven’t broken a string on my acoustic in months!! but again the show must go on so without a second thought I immediately hatched a plan so I could sing the next song. I asked the musicians there could I borrow one of their guitars. Not the most professional move perhaps but considering the show schedule featured 10 songwriters I didn’t have time to change a string and I needed a guitar to sing my next song, it was my only option.

The first reply came from fellow performer Holly Gleason “You can use mine” she said. So Holly came up, handed me her guitar, the soundman gave me a new cable (which fixed whatever the sound problem was) I plugged in Holly’s guitar and went straight into my next song, ‘Hollywood Ending’.
Imagine that, someone lets you borrow their guitar in Hollywood! it says a lot about Holly and the type of people you meet at a LAWim event, not everyone in Hollywood is cut throat.

So now I am asking all of you (my Hugh blog readers) to please go and take a moment to check out Holly’s music, her video and go ahead and sign up for her e-mail list too if you like. Lets show her some ‘Hugh Nation’ karma.
www.myrecordlabel.net/hollygleason
THE SHOW MUST GO ON PART 2: ROCKING THE TOO COOL FOR SCHOOLERS

Last week I talked about my friends suggestion idea of having an infant moshpit at my all ages shows! and this weekend I strangely found myself rocking the kindergarten! (WTF?)

But before I tell this latest chapter in my rock n roll kids saga tale let me set the scene a little for you....

This weekend I was playing some Orange County shows. I live in Orange County so these shows are local for me. Just for the record though I should point out that I don’t live in the part of Orange County you see on TV shows like Laguna Beach, The real housewives of Orange County and The O.C. Although I do admit characters like the ones you see in these shows do make up some of my audience in O.C., especially when its not an Irish bar show. An Irish bar is too low brow for some of these posh types.

Overall Orange County shows tend to be more, what’s the word?....‘reserved’? Basically I go into these shows not expecting applause, I have to keep the volume down, I can’t use harsh language (in other words, be myself) and in some places even dancing isn’t allowed!!

Yes at times doing O.C. shows I feel like a boxer going into a fight with one hand tied behind my back. How exactly do you entertain when its ‘against the rules’ (real or imagined) to be entertained!? Not all of the shows here are like this of course and there are many O.C. audience members who do show appreciation for what I do.

So in this unique show environment you must wait patiently for your opportunity and when it comes take it quickly. I then move the goalposts, level the playing field and untie that hand behind my back.

Well my opportunity came on Friday night thanks to a bunch of kids! Yes indeed kids have a way of just cutting through the bullshit, the airs and graces of the too cool for school crowd. These kids started off just staring at me. It was as if they had never seen a musician playing up this close. I could here them refer to me as the 'rock star' which wasn't quite accurate but still kind of cute.
Then they started dancing and this got the too school for school crowds attention. So seeing my opportunity I went for it.

"Ok I've been pretty quite up here, but now that I see you are starting to get into it I am going to do a song that requires some audience participation.... (here I paused for dramatic effect...some people looked scared)....So for the next few minutes I want you to imagine we are all in an Irish bar. I want to see your hands up clapping..this is a song called The Drunken Sailor".

"Mommy whats song is he going to play?" said one of the kids.
"Oh its a pirate song" his mother replied.

I had every man woman and child put their hands up and wow did I rock that place hard but just when things were getting going as the pirate ship was setting sail to the land of Ireland. The manager comes over and asks the parents to please stop the kids from dancing.
Alas me hearties I had taken this O.C. audience only briefly into my Irish pirate world but arrrgggh quickly the people then soon returned back to as they were. The 'rules' must be obeyed.

God these sanitized rules for living irrate me. So many people living so goddamn up tight all this keeping up appearances, keeping up with the Jones's, trying to look cool whatever it is....its just so lame. I just love the fact I get to f**k around with this nonsense every time I step on stage. So again I go back to what I said earlier I believe that no matter what audience you face as a performer, no matter what obstacles get in your way... the show must go on.

TRIBUTE TO MR BUD PRAGER

A got an e-mail this week with the news that an old manager of a band I played with for many years, Bud Prager, had just recently passed away before Christmas. Bud is a legend in the industry and his many years of success speaks to the kind of manager he was.

I first met Bud in Los Angeles in 2000. It was my first time in L.A. and I was here showcasing with an Irish band. Just to give you an idea of how Bud fit into this picture the band I was in had at this point already had a development deal with Sony/Columbia and we had big shot legal representation (Davis/Shapiro, New York) so we had come to L.A. at Bud‘s suggestion to basically showcase and then ‘shop’ for a record deal.

Bud worked with many successful bands over the years including Foreigner, Megadeth, Bad Company, Whitesnake, Damn Yankees and Mountain. So as you can imagine we were very excited Bud was our manager.
There was two sides to Bud, one side of him was a real ball breaker he could be brutally honest and a cold businessman but on the flipside he was a very kind and generous man. He taught me a lot about the music business. I didn’t always agree with him or the way he dealt with us but I respected him nonetheless.

I remember on this trip to L.A. in 2000 Bud flew us all out to his winter home in Phoenix for thanksgiving. His house was huge and built literally around a giant rock on the side of a desert hill. This huge desert rock sat in the middle of the house like it had fallen down into the house like a meteor! It was something to see. This house was located just outside Phoenix but seemed to be in the middle of the desert. It was in one of those posh desert communities that had its own golf courses and even had its own small police force! For a bunch of guys from little old Ireland it was an amazing experience to visit a place like this. I remember getting a thrill out of seeing cactus trees for the first time!

Bud told us once that "a live band has to like be a machine" that it has to show up night after night with the same level of performance. Funny enough when people see my work ethic on stage and all the driving, setting and up packing down I do week in week out by myself and they often say "Man Hugh you're like a machine". Everytime someone says that to me I smile and think of Bud.
Follow the link below to read the Hollywood Reporter article about Bud.

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/hr/search/article_display.jsp?vnu_content_id=1003924941&imw=Y
CHANGE I COULD BELIEVE IN

On a lighter note if you visit our new President’s website www.change.gov you can post any issue you feel the new administration should tackle. The 10 issues with the most votes are going to be addressed by President Obama and his cabinet. If this works like they say it does I honestly think it’s a good idea. No matter what issue means the most to you I say why not go ahead and vote? I mean why not avail of this opportunity to speak up about the issues that really matter to us.

One of the issues that is gaining a lot of votes, believe it or not, is the subject of UFO disclosure. This is a subject I feel VERY strongly about but rather than go into that here let me just simply suggest that if this is an issue that you too would also like to see the new administration tackle please click on the link below to go directly to the page where you can vote for UFO disclosure (You need to sign up to the site, but it only takes a minute). If the new administration really did have the guts to go for full UFO disclosure, wow, let me tell you that would be change I could believe in.

http://citizensbriefingbook.change.gov/ideas/viewIdea.apexp?id=087800000004omI&lsr=0#comments
THERE’S NOTHING ON TV LIKE BSG

When I say I love the new Battlestar Galactica (BSG) TV show I am not joking. I F**KIN LOVE this show. In my humble opinion there is simply no other show on TV that comes close to it. The sheer intensity of this show is incredible. I mean you really start to care what happens to the characters in this show, I think that’s a rare thing with a TV show in recent years.
Not since the X-files or Firefly have I truly given a hoot about a TV show in the way I do about BSG. The storylines, the characters and their ongoing development, the acting, the special effects oh I could just go on and on and on. Every episode is like a mini movie!

I am writing about BSG this week as the final episodes began airing last Friday night and I was sooooo excited about seeing the first new episode. I used to watch BSG religiously but recently I fell behind a little with the show. A Friday night airing time doesn’t work well for a gigging musician like me.

The new BSG episode did not disappoint. During the episode they advertised that they are selling off all the BSG props at an upcoming event in LA...you can buy everything from costumes to a full size viper!!! (good guys star fighter) Who would buy that? where would you put it? In LA maybe those are stupid questions. Honestly if I was stupid rich I’d probably buy a viper and put it in my house too! Seriously... how many of you would love to just have your photo taken sitting in an actual viper prop?......be honest now.

For those fellow fans out there who saw the new episode I’d love to know what you thought of it. Please post your comments after the blog....let the nerdfest begin!

Have a great week my friends.

Hugh.

Hello my friends!

Welcome to my latest tales from the road blog. This week I’m telling tales about deal closing sword play, a human stripper pole, the old grey whistle test, a show stopping baby, a ‘live’ show booking negotiation and a pirate choir tour de force! Read on......

FORCED INTO BEDROOM AT SWORD POINT

This story happened to a friend of mine in Fresno recently. I will change the names for privacy although I’m sure everyone is Fresno knows exactly who I am talking about!

Romeo was at his friend D’Artagnans house attending a party. At this party Romeo met a girl who he quote unquote “got on well with“. Later in the evening as Romeo was getting to....ahem... know this girl a little better D’Artagnan politely suggested that Romeo and his lady friend needed to “Get a room”. Romeo explained that all the rooms in the house were occupied they were fine on the couch.

So D’Artagnan wanting to help his friend out (all for one and one for all) and perhaps not wanting to see as much of their getting to know each other decided to take action. He went into one of the rooms in his house removed his sleeping brother!! and taking up his sword (D’Artagnan is one of those Renaissance fair people so having a sword in his house is not a strange thing!) and pointed it at Romeo and his girlfriend and ordered them at sword point into the now vacated bedroom!!

At this point Romeo looked at his girl and exchanged an innocent look with her as if to say.. ‘Sorry baby I guess we should do what the sword man says’.

So to D’Artagnan the sword playing deal closer I say this. You have truly taken the act of looking after your friends to another level.... I salute you.

THE OLD GREY WHISTLE TEST

After playing my new song ‘Finding Ireland In America’ on Friday night I was told that people (who’d never been at my show before) were overheard singing the melody of the chorus after I had finished playing the song.

This is what used to be called ‘the old grey whistle test’. This is an old ‘Tin Pan Alley’ phrase from years ago. (Tin Pan Alley is the name given to the collection of New York centered music publishers and songwriters who dominated the popular music of the United States in the late 19th century and early 20th century).

In this so called ‘Tin Pan Alley’ whenever they got the first pressing of a record they would play it to people they called the old greys [doormen in grey suits] . The records these doormen could remember and could whistle having heard it just once or twice would have passed the old grey whistle test.

Then on Saturday night as I played another one of my songs ‘Hollywood Ending’ I could see a lot of people including this little 10 year old girl singing the lyrics along with me. Seeing that little girl singing along was a trip for me since she’d only heard the song once at most before. It is little moments like these that give a songwriter like me great encouragement, I’ve put everything into these songs and worked really hard on them. If they work like this with just me and the acoustic guitar I can’t wait to hear them recorded.

CAPTAIN’S DAUGHTER ROCKS THE HOUSE!

Marty the captain of the pirate choir and his wife Anne have been very kindly putting me up in their home every time I’ve been in Fresno now for over a year! Every time I visit I spend time hanging out with their baby daughter Morgan, she is so cute. I have apparently bonded with her now to the extent that Marty and Anne have been calling me ‘Uncle Hugh’ or more recently the unfortunate nickname of ‘The Nanny’.

So when Morgan saw me up playing on stage on Saturday night what does she want to do? She wants to get up and play with ‘The Nanny’(Oh God I know that nicknames going to be thrown up in my face).

She tried everything to get up on stage she tried charging full speed ahead, crawling under tables, climbing over tables this little girl is VERY determined!

Eventually she was content to stand on a chair in front of the stage and dance with her Daddy’s Michael Jackson, Billie Jean-esque (party monkey) hat on. Then as her daddy filmed her do her ‘thang’ I could see Morgan without trying had got the whole audience in the palm of her hands...she was rocking the house!

NOBODY can compete with this kind of cuteness. This is why some actors and musicians refuse to work with kids and animals. I on the other hand was more than happy to be her backup band. I simply bow to her, Morgan, her majesty of cuteness.

A friend of mine, Q-ball, remarked to me after Morgan’s performance that I seriously needed to organize an “Infant mosh pit”. Not exactly trashing hotel rooms rock n roll I know but seriously imagine if you put a bunch of babies in a free for all mosh pit?

Wow between questionable baby co ordination (head clash city) and dirty diapers they could compete with the nastiest mosh pits anywhere!

NOT SO SUBTLE ‘LIVE’ SHOW BOOKING NEGOTIATION?

After Moynihan’s Irish Pub closed last summer it took a few months before I found a new regular venue to play in Fresno. This new venue, ‘Sequoia Brewing Co.’ recently changed their music booking agent and this new agent was at the show on Saturday night.

I had talked to him on the phone last week and he seems like a nice guy but during our conversation he mentioned that he had already completed booking dates for February, so, just as I finished playing my show on Saturday night I couldn’t resist the opportunity to do some ‘live’ booking negotiation with the new agent.

“Would you like me to come back in February?” I asked the very enthusiastic crowd.

“YAAAAHHHHHHH” they shouted.

I looked up at the booking agent, smiled like Garfield and said “Sorry, I couldn’t resist”.

THE HUMAN STRIPPER POLE

A 30th birthday party arrived into the bar and they were really up for it. They were straight away dancing and drinking generally having a good time. After a few songs they introduced me to the birthday girl who I decided to have some fun with.

“Ok, I need a volunteer to help this girl celebrate her birthday”...the birthday gang cheers.

“Since we don’t have a pole for this dancing birthday girl we are going to need a human stripper pole” cue more cheers.

“Oh yeah get my husband” the birthday girl tells me. So I did.

Up walks the birthday girls husband and stands there 'pole like' ready to volunteer.

“Whose birthday is it now?” I asked the crowd.

So I played my stripper-esque anthem ‘Wild Thing’ and we all got a husband and wife show! It was all harmless enough the birthday girl wasn’t too smutty....I've seen worse...you should know.... I’ve blogged about them.

Then towards the end of the song two of the birthday girls friends joined in the show and these two ladies were a little more how shall I put this nicely....aggressive?

Up to this point the husband seemed all cool but now surrounded by three girls he became a little shook up. I could see he was holding his breath concentrating I could see him holding his hands tightly behind his back the poor guy was trying not to well...ahem...rise to the occasion. One of his friends shouted “Oh man he‘s losing it”...I was thinking oh lord what have I started. Is this like a pub version of water boarding.. I mean teaser whore-ding for a man. What does it say about this kind of thing in the Geneva convention? Could this technically be a kind of torture? Would the Geneva convention apply to my shows? I probably don’t want to know.

Then the song ended and the husband quickly walked away without... ahem...‘standing out in the crowd’. Kudos to him, the poor bastard, what a nightmare.

So with the birthday girl show now winding down I shouted to the cheering crowd “Ladies and gentlemen, c’mon and give it up for the human stripper pole!”.

PIRATE CHOIR TOUR DE FORCE!

The Pirate Choir (Fresno chapter of the Hugh Nation) was out in force this weekend. They knew there was a new booking agent coming to the shows and they wanted to make sure that he would be left in no doubt about the power of the pirate choir and therefore he would be convinced that booking me again was be a total no brainer!

I could go on and on about all the different people who came on both nights, sent out e-mail invites to all their friends (take a bow Carol Ann) and generally proudly got their Irish on this weekend. I will instead pick two quick examples of the amazing support I was blessed with this weekend so those of you reading this blog who haven’t been to a Hugh Fresno show can get a feel of this pirate love!

A): TAMI GETS IT IN WRITING

My friend Tami noticed a form on the back of the venues newsletter (one of which was on every table) that asked customers for feedback on the entertainment. So Tami wasted no time and proceeded to get EVERY member of the pirate choir there and any one else she could persuade to fill those forms out! Go hurricane Tami.

B): WILSON CHEERLEADING SQUAD

The whole Wilson family was at the show on Saturday night. Wendall, Sarah (the Sarah-nator) and all their five kids! From the moment I started they were like a personal cheerleading squad. They were dancing, shouting clapping, egging on everyone to get involved and get their Irish on. This family brings so much energy to the shows its brilliant. THEY ROCK!

Thank you again pirate choir, ALL OF YOU for your amazing support.

Have a great week

Hugh

Hello my friends!

Welcome to my latest tales from the road blog.

APPARENTLY THE REAL REASON FOR WAR IS....

I met a guy over the weekend who claimed he knew the one and only.. THE real reason for war, for ALL wars! He claimed he had IT ALL figured out.

Regardless of the fact he'd had a few too many whiskeys I still wanted to hear what he had to say. My blog-dar so to speak was on red alert I thought that at the very least something blogable was going to be in this theory of his...at least so I hoped.

The way he set it up you'd swear Jesus himself had come down from heaven and whispered in his ear. I was thinking, hmmm so if you have this secret why are you standing here pontificating in a bar? shouldn't you be in the United Nations or something?... at least in a bar at the U.N. but I digress....

With India and Pakistan at each others throats over the recent Mumbai bombings the French & Germans fighting with pirates in shipping lanes the Taliban back in Afghanistan on a beheading rampage threatening to kill any little girls who go to school and with Israel sending troops into the Gaza strip I'd love to hear some solutions, theories, suggestions...ANYTHING from above that would help....wouldn't you?

Unfortunately whiskey philosophy isn't know for its Godliness....so try not to be too disappointed...his theory was as follows...

"The only reason for war is this....(cue drum roll)... It's simple....(oh the tension was killing me)...you see old men send young men off to war to be killed so THEY can then have the young women"...

WHAT?.....that was it????

Seeing his audience were less than convinced he quickly added his 'scientific' evidence....

"Its a biological fact" he stated.

Wow that was a slam dunk. This guy should work for the CIA...or the Vatican!

Now I want to give him an out by saying he was drunk but he divulged his theory with such deadly seriousness...it was as if he'd uncovered one of the mysteries of the universe.

One woman at the bar yawned, most of the guys at the bar just stared at the Chargers game on TV or into their drinks. Over at tables where people were eating jaws dropped in disbelief....ouch.....tough crowd. I guess this is one theory on war we won't be hearing about 24/7 on network news.

STORY OF THE SONG PART 3: 'TOUCH THE SKY'

The Inspiration:

I was playing a weekend of shows up in Squaw Valley also know as Olympic valley near Lake Tahoe, California in 2006. On this particular weekend I was staying at a staff house, a beautiful condo which was high up on the valley hillside. There was a great big deck / porch on the front of this condo and one afternoon as I sat with my guitar on a rocking chair out on the deck soaking up this incredible view BOOM I came up with this interesting chord progression and soon after lyrics to go with it.

The Main Idea:

The song is about how when you are in a place like Squaw valley how you can sense a great connection to nature, to the energy of life and how this connection rejuvenates you (No I haven't been smoking something).

How it fits on the new CD:

I believe this song fits nicely into the new CD, firstly because its about an experience I had out on the road and secondly because it speaks to me missing that connection with nature from Ireland. You see I would very regularly go for walks up local mountains and hills growing up back home that's not something you can do as easily living in L.A.

Re Writing Process:

Initially the lyrics were arty and vague but I stuck with them because I really thought this song had something to it. Then after playing the song live a few times and getting a luke warm reaction I decided it needed a re write.

Original first verse:

"I take a deep breath, soaking up the view, strumming my guitar, waiting for the muse. The sun going down, is throwing shadows all around and the wind through the trees, seems like it whispering, calling after me".

My problem with this original first verse was that it was too vague and arty. Instead of telling a story and painting pictures it was just creating questions for a listener.

For example: why am I taking a deep breath? what view? shadows all around where? and then suddenly the wind is talking to me!?

Now with the updated verse below I am painting pictures, taking you to where I am, explaining what's going on and then crucially defining what I mean when I say 'touch the sky'. After all I don't want people thinking this song is about an LSD trip!

Updated first verse:

"In a snowy mountain range, on a valley hillside, through pine forest trees, the wind gently sighs.

I'm sitting with my guitar soaking up the view soothing my soul waiting for the muse. Up here six thousand feet high, It feels like you could reach up, reach up and touch the sky".

This is my editing lyrical work but it comes again from the lessons I have learned from my songwriting teacher Harriet Schock.

First as a songwriter you must write in straight lines, in other words, write in a way that people can follow the story. As artists we sometimes forget that writing simple, direct and conversational lyrics doesn't mean we are sacrificing art.

True genius, in my opinion is in simplicity not in art that is so high and mighty that no one except some intellectual elitists can appreciate it.

SISKEL & EBERT WANNABE:

Over the holidays I got to catch up on a lot of movies I've missed recently. There were some that I really wanted to see and others I was mildly curious about. I LOVE movies and have been often accused of being a wannabe Siskel & Ebert (or whoever it is now who gives out thumbs up or down).For your own amusement here's my quick reviews....let me know if you agree.

My ratings are Hell Yes, Why Not?, Hmm Maybe, Whatever and Hell No.

The Dark Knight: (Hell Yes)

It took me way too long to get to see this movie but damn it kicks serious ass, Ledger as the joker is beyond incredible. They better give him the Oscar, he deserves it.

The Mummy 3: (Whatever)

This movie pissed me off, I really loved the first two but this? PAH its not even in the same ballpark. To add fuel to the fire Jet Li and Michelle Yeoh's talents were criminally wasted. Rachel Weiss not returning for number 3 was no accident, smart girl.

Death Race: (Hell Yes)

Gratuitous violence, harsh language and starring possibly one of the most bad assed action heroes of our day? For me it was a no brainer. I f**king loved it.

Tropic Thunder: (Hmm Maybe)

This movie is both hilarious and dreadful....wait is that possible? I think you'll either love it or hate it. Either way it is worth renting to see Tom Cruise playing a fat, hairy cut throat movie executive, WOW! what a hilarious performance.

Eagle Eye: (Hmm Maybe)

A few great action sequences but in the end its just a weak version of that movie a few years back with Will Smith called 'Enemy of the State'.

Don't Mess With The Zohan: (Hell No)

Politically incorrect humor I like, but this? Sorry this is a classic example to me of the physical gag American style humor that I find in poor taste. Call me a prude but I just don't think its funny.

A YEAR IN THE REARVIEW.

Honestly... 2008 was a tough year for me as I know it was for all of us. The rising gas prices and later the economic crisis had a huge impact on my ability to make a living this year. Put simply all that had appeared to be cruising North for me early in 2008 took a dramatic u-turn and went South. There was a point where for the first time since arriving in California I seriously considering the possibility of my family and I having to return home to Ireland.

Since moving to America a lot of great things have happened to my family and I and we are grateful for these blessings, we have also by a sheer determination to succeed created our own luck. Life however, as you all know, doesn't always go according to plan. It was a rough year we had to persevere and be patient but we survived it.

On the flipside

On a more positive note 2008 saw the release of my second 'live' CD the completion of my 'Year in the life' blog book and the birth of the Hugh Nation!

Inspired by his beloved Steeler Nation my friend David McGuiggan decided to make the Hugh Nation a reality, he then christened the Hugh Nation by creating the exceptionally cool Hugh Nation T-Shirt (Thank you Dave!).

For me one of the best things about 2008 though was all the support I recieved from my friends new and old as I toured across the Southwest. The closing of Moynihan's Irish pub only brought my friends and I closer in Fresno and my frequent visits to Tucson in 2008 also strengthened the bond with my friends in Arizona. In 2008 the Hugh Nation really became a tangible living thing!

I see the 'Hugh Nation' not as being a hollow egotistical bandwagon for my personal fame & fortune but something larger than one person. It is a connection between a group of people who come together through heritage and a cultural experience, I am merely a conduit through which we are all connected.

So what's coming in 2009?

Two new CD's and part one of the blog book that's what's coming!

The first CD will be the second part of my collection of Irish recordings it is entitled 'Retrospective: A Dreamer Lives Forever'. The second CD is the big one for me, this is the CD project I have been working very hard on with my songwriting teacher Harriet Schock. This CD as most of you already know is entitled 'Finding Ireland in America'.

So how am I going to make this happen? Its gonna take a lot of work and ingenuity but as the saying goes where there's a will there's a way.

"Never tell me the odds".

That's what Han solo says to C3PO and it may be just a gung ho quote from a Sci fi movie (which my life certainly is not!) but in a funny way it sums up my view on life. Just because it looks difficult doesn't mean it can't be done or it shouldn't be tried, in fact if someone tells me its impossible it only convinces me more that I can do it.

I was told I couldn't find help for my son's speech problems that I should just have another child and move on. So I went half way around the world I found him the help he needed and now my son talks more than me!

Then when my son started to make great strides forward I decided I was going to get back into the music business and make a living persuing my dream. I was laughed at....But guess what!... I found a way, carved out a niche and I am doing it...perhaps by the seat of my pants in 2008 at times but watch this space... you ain't seen nothing yet.

Now do you see where I'm coming from? Whatever you do don't tell me it can't be done, see, we are right back to Han Solo's quote "Never tell me the odds". Following your dreams is the business of risk, I don't know any other way to live.

Have a great week and heres to 2009!

Hugh

Hello my friends!

Welcome to my latest tales from the road blog. This week we are back to a full on vintage humorous blog. You will be entertained! read on....

RETURN TO MAMMOTH LAKES

Its been 8 months since I last played up in Mammoth Lakes, which for those of you who don't know is a ski resort 5 hours north of Los Angeles. This is my third winter season to play in Mammoth and so I have got to know a lot of the locals and the frequent visitors up there. After an 8 month absence it was nice to be greeted by so many people who were genuinely excited to see me.

Why? because they know when Hugh's playing a show there is going to be good times. I guess my reputation as a foul mouthed demander of audience participation has been firmly established. As always the atmosphere of this holiday resort town and the characters that inhabit and frequent it always produces great stories and this weekend was no exception.

WALKING EGO MEETS IRISH TEMPER

This guy walks up to me Friday night and says "I want to sing a song".

It wasn't just the way he asked me, although it was more of a demand than a request, it was the way he carried himself that immediately told me this guy was a total dick. I politely told him "Maybe later". This by the way is my Mr. nice guy way of saying f**k off and die.

Over the years playing music I have met a thousand guys like this and for the sake of this story I am going to call him 'Walking Ego'. I have talked about dealing with arrogant musician types before but this particular type of guy is on a whole other level of obnoxiousness.

Most of you know I occasionally have people up to sing or jam with me. I really don't mind people coming up with me but whether or not I let someone come up depends mostly on simply how they ask. A little respect goes a long way.

You see some people don't understand that when I am playing a show its not an open mic or a karaoke night and its not a toys r us 'toy testing' night either. My microphone and guitars are not there to be casually f**ked with on a whim.

God 'American Idol' and 'Guitar Hero' have a lot to answer for.

Anyway back to walking ego, I knew when he came up to me that he had only two things on his mind. 1. to impress the ladies and 2. to put me in my place by showing me how it should be done. As you read on you'll see my instinct about him was spot on.

An hour later walking ego returns and puts his arms out as if to say 'What's the story dude when are you going to let a real talent show you how its done'. I bit my tongue and again said "Maybe later".

But walking ego couldn't leave it at that and being the drama queen bitch he was he tried to cause a little scene "Why won't you let me up to sing?" he protested loudly... looking around to the crowd for support, but none came.

So a little firmer I responded "Like I said, maybe later, alright?".

He walked away muttering under his breath but I knew he'd be back.

So while on break I went up to him. Why? I knew where this was going and I wanted to try to nip it in the bud so to speak. I politely told him that it was nothing personal but that it wasn't going to happen tonight. He was none too pleased but tried to be cool in front of some girl he was desperately trying to impress. I guess his charming personality just wasn't enough.

Then after my break and just as I was about to start playing again he came up for a third time. "I know you don't want me to sing but can I use your guitar, I just wanna sing a song for that girl, I'll take it down the back room".

I was now tired of walking ego's nonsense and I said flatly "No".

Then walking ego got this look in his eye, the ego had landed and it was pissed off. Now I got to see walking ego's true colors.

So he just goes off on a rant, he couldn't get the words out quick enough....

"Dude, seriously are you for real why won't you share your mic? I'm a professional musician dude, I've toured Europe, been on a support tour with Jack Johnson. I am a Universal (record company) recording artist. I gotta tell you dude with an attitude like yours..... you are going no where".

This my friends is to me what is know as the point of no return and as the character 'River' says in the movie 'Serenity'....now it was "My turn".

"Really?" I said

I pointed at myself "I have a bad attitude?"

I looked him straight in the eye so he could see my Irish temper crystal clear

"Well the real reason I don't want you to get up and sing is because of YOUR attitude I could see it from the moment you first walked up".

He looked stunned. I guess I'd been so polite up to this point he didn't see that coming.

I continued "I have nothing more to say to you, get the f**k out of my face".

He tried for a comeback but he was literally speechless, twice he opened his mouth as if to say something and nothing came out. It was like his brain turned to mush.

Few of you have seen my Irish temper because its really takes a lot to get me mad, but, when stupid people like this guy say stupid things...phew....my advice is... just stand back!

THE MOST DISGUSTING TIP I HAVE EVER RECEIVED

This tale has a pretty gross ending so don't say I didn't warn you!

On Saturday night there was this guy in the bar who seemed to be having some exhibitionist issues. He kept jumping up, pulling up his shirt revealing his stomach and then doing a wave with his belly over and over.

I'm not sure whether this was his party trick or whether he thought he was bringing sexy back either way he was very drunk and making a fool of himself. For the purpose of this story I am going to name him 'flasher'.

When flashers belly wave stunt wasn't getting any decent reaction from the ladies there he decided to playfully fist fight with one of his friends. But being very drunk flashers coordination was way off and he very nearly connected with his friends face.

All of a sudden flashers belly exposing show seemed the lesser of two evils.

So seeing that flashers night was going to end in tears, or blood I decided to get him involved in my show as (a) I thought he would get the attention he was craving and (b) that then he might kindly go away.

I asked the audience to make some space around a pole in the middle of the floor for flasher to work out his 'inner stripper issues'. People called out for a girl to join him and one girl ran up appearing to volunteer but as soon as she took one look at flasher who was now warming up his belly she said "ewwww" and walked quickly away.

So regardless I started playing 'Wild Thing' (my un official stripper song!) and flasher kicked off his sideshow. You could tell by the way flasher was now working his belly and the pole that he REALLY believed that he was the man. The bringer of sexy back.

Then flashers friend (who he had almost punched earlier) jumps up and puts a dollar in flashers pants. Flasher, then delighted with the cheer he got for getting the dollar then takes the dollar and gratuitously shoves it down the front of his pants. He literally moved that dollar around and around his crotch in his hand like his life depended on it. Yeah it was a tad creepy.

Flashers show was getting a lot of attention but the audience and I were all laughing AT flasher, not with him. His antics were so ridiculous that I stopped singing the song I was laughing so much.

But it got worse... as a horrible finale to his 'performance' flasher removed the dollar from his pants and to my and the audiences complete horror he placed it in my tip jar.

The audience let out a collective groan.

"That's just not right...that's sick" I said and I stopped playing the song.

I immediately put down my guitar, picked up one of my song sheets tore it in half and used one of the halves to remove that bill without actually touching it. I then quickly dumped the dollar bill on the floor. This brought a burst of laughter and round of applause from the audience.

What a bizarre conclusion to flashers disastrous stripper debut. Puppies and bunnies, puppies and bunnies...I am not the victim.

THE ENGLISH HAVE COMPLAINED & APPARENTLY I'M A RACIST?

One of the barmen told me that last season in Mammoth he had received a few complaints about me, specifically from English customers. They all claimed I was quote unquote "racist". Apparently these English complainers don't understand what the word racist means but I digress.

Before I go on, for anyone humorously challenged, let me state clearly that I do not hate English people. I have aunts, cousins and friends who are British. Most English people I have met are good decent people and c'mon I passionately support an English soccer team (Arsenal) for Christ sake!

There are English people who do look down upon the Irish and there are Irish people who truly hate the British. Unfortunately because of our violent history it may take generations for this bigotry and sectarian hatred to fade. The history between Ireland and England is obviously ugly but I do not blame every English person in the world for that history, that would be ridiculous.

We didn't get to beat the English in a war like the American's did and so we vent 700 years of tyranny by singing humorous songs. Some people just need to get over that!

There were many times under English rule that singing songs around the fire in the local pub or in our homes was the only outlet we had against our occupiers. For me when I sing Irish rebel songs its not about stirring up conflict but about celebrating a very important Irish trait. Our ability to always see the funny side of life even at the worst of times.

Going back to the complaints about me, on each occasion the barman received a complaint he politely reminded the complainers that this was after all an 'Irish bar'(duh) and that's where Irish songs are sung! If you were in a Mexican restaurant chances are the entertainment would be Mexican right? I mean what did they expect me to be singing? God save the Queen?...please.

The barman told me that one time a particularly irate English customer was so incensed by my singing of the song 'Black and Tans' that he immediately demanded his bill and swore he'd never return.

A man sitting at the bar nearby overheard this Englishman's complaint and he said to Englishman matter of fact "Well what do you expect after invading their country?".

The complaining Englishman now focused his temper on this smartass customer and spewed out a string of derogatory comments about the Irish people.

According to the barman the guy at the bar looked at the Englishman in the eye and said "Be careful buddy if you keep on like this I'm gonna have to blow up your car" (Ouch!).

For those of you who may not know the Irish Republican Army (IRA) was infamous for using car bombs against the British in what has been called the 'troubles' in the North of Ireland. So you literally couldn't get a more politically incorrect or viciously loaded thing to say to an Englishman. Even I wouldn't say something like that!

I don't like that anyone would be upset about songs I sing but the fact some can't see the harmless humor or the simple entertainment in it is not my problem. I honestly think some people create problems where there are none, they live for drama and conflict.

Have a great week and a very happy new year my friends.

Hugh

Hello my friends!

Welcome to my latest tales from the road blog

STONED NASCAR CYCLISTS & GANGSTA PEDESTRIANS

Driving in Tucson I had some interesting experiences this weekend. To me Tucson people as drivers, cyclists or pedestrians don't seem anyway as bad as the crazies in Los Angeles but as I discovered there are some exceptions.

The first example of this came when out of nowhere and without looking this homeless guy bursts out onto the road in front of me on a bicycle. It was as if (in his head at least) he was a racecar driver rejoining a NASCAR race after a pit stop. The way he swerved onto the road he was obviously drunk or stoned or maybe both. Ironically the street we were on is called 'Speedway' but I digress.

I was able to brake in time and did not hit him thank God, but, it wasn't until I blew my horn at him that he noticed me. However, instead of doing something sane, like getting the hell out of oncoming traffic, he just flew into the next lane right in front of another car! How he wasn't killed on the spot I don't know.

Then literally 5 minutes later I am driving along in downtown Tucson when in front of me these little wannabe gangstas start strutting across the road as if oncoming traffic doesn't exist. I am driving toward them in disbelief... I was thinking in my head...'Are these guys for f**king real?'.

Was it national cycle and walk into oncoming traffic day?

or were these wannabe gangsta kids THAT stupid?

Other cars braked stopping suddenly but I kept going. I was not going to be intimidated by these little arrogant pricks, f**k no. Sure enough at the last moment these 'playing chicken' with cars wussies stopped half way across the road. Then as I passed by they all gave me their best 50 cent hardass looks.

Wow...where's the holiday love biatches?

NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED?

I heard this unbelievable story on the radio last week about how a girl pulled her friend from a burning car wreck. You'd think she'd be a hero right? WRONG. Well it turned out that while being pulled from the wreck her friend sustained further injuries which tragically left her paraplegic. So what does her friend do? she sues her.

According to the Californian judge hearing this case the girl pulling her friend from the burning car wasn't administering 'emergency medical care' (what?) and she was not therefore protected by California's 'Good Samaritan' law. Therefore she can be sued.

The judge went on to say that "a person is not obligated to come to someone's aid" but if they did that "he or she has a duty to exercise due care".

What does he mean by "due care"?...call a lawyer? This is f**king unbelievable! This woman risked her life to save her friend and she's sued for it?

I guess this is why they say California is the 'sue happy' capital of the world.

You can follow this link below to read the full article.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081218/ap_on_re_us/samaritan_protection
RUBBER CHICKEN DERANGEMENT SYNDROME

I walked into the restroom in the bar on Saturday night and there was a guy standing there holding two rubber chickens...seriously! For the purpose of this blog I am going to call him rubber chicken man (RCM).

Why RCM had these rubber chickens and why he brought them into the restroom I have no idea. One of the chickens was decorated in an Elvis like outfit the other in a type of caveman outfit. As I had walked in RCM was squeezing the chickens over and over so they'd make this goofy noise. He joked that this would never get old, I guess he was easily entertained.

Another guy in the restroom says to RCM dude you need to stop playing with your 'cock' which got everyone laughing. RCM was loving the attention.

A while later back up in the bar RCM continued his rubber chicken show but this time with.. 'the ladies'. Obviously a very unusual way to go about picking up a girl but he was going ahead with his strategy regardless.

In the middle of this attempt to woo a table of ladies one of RCM's chickens somehow got thrown to the floor. Seeing he hadn't noticed his fallen chicken I went and picked it up for him and taking a cue from the joke made earlier in the restroom I said "Excuse me" and I handed him his chicken "I believe you lost your cock". Ok not the classiest of jokes but it did get a laugh from the ladies.

Later on, near closing time RCM reappeared for what would be the third and final act of this rubber chicken tragedy. He stood there with the caveman rubber chicken stuffed down the front of his shirt and with a totally serious expression on his face he asked me....or was he accusing me?

"Hey have you seen my Elvis chicken?"

"No" I said. "Why would I take it?... didn't I hand it back to you earlier?"

"Yes you did" he said

"Oh I just can't believe it" he continued...

"Someone has stolen my rubber Elvis chicken?".

It took all I had not to laugh in this guys face...you couldn't make this up.

And the moral of this tale? hmmmmm...

Don't trust a rubber chicken?...don't fall in love with a rubber chicken?....don't use rubber chickens against their will as part of a restroom sideshow act?...don't use rubber chickens to attract women? or maybe....if you're in love with a beautiful rubber Elvis chicken you better watch your friends?

I say all of the above.

TUCSON QUOTES:

1. "Hugh-ay" shouted this girl "Hugh-ay" (she kept shouting this over and over)

"Why are you shouting my name?" I asked and without hesitation she replied "That's how I want to say it".

2. Someone decided to try and put me as we say in Ireland 'back in my box' (in my place) and says...."I've been singing since before you were born".

3. This is a quote from a new Tucson ladies volleyball team shirt

"We make better passes in bars".

OUR TROOPS & THEIR FAMILIES

On a patriotic note....

When our troops go off to war they leave behind their families who in the absence of their loved ones fight their own battles back home so to speak. Life must be hard without their husband, wife, father, mother, brother, sister, son or daughter being home. Military families may not be deployed on a battlefield but I believe that back home they too are serving, sacrificing for their country.

I had the privilege of getting to know an army wife and her two kids over the weekend. Whenever I meet people serving in the military or their families I like to take a moment to thank them and so I took the opportunity to tell her how much I really appreciated what her husband was doing and also how I appreciated HER sacrifice and HER service to the country and therefore to me. Being a husband and a father I can relate to how difficult it must be. Then again in other ways I can't imagine how hard it must be for military families.

At this time of year it must be especially difficult though and no matter where you stand politically or philosophically I believe that whether in prayer, in good wishes or better yet by actions that we should all take a little time to honor and show appreciation for the sacrifices the military and their families back home are making for us all.

Below is a website a friend of mine told me about where you can help bring a little joy into the life of a soldier this Christmas. Check it out www.soldierwish.com
WHAT IS IT TO BE AMERICAN?

Because I am Irish you might ask why in the story above I am saying 'our' troops?


I was born and raised in Ireland and I am Irish through and through but having lived in America now for seven years I also feel like I am American now too. I may not have a piece of paper that says I'm a citizen but I live, work and dream in this country that is now my home.

I believe this article below that a friend of mine shared with me will go a long way in explaining how I feel about this great country. Thank you Stephen K. for mailing this and Erin for passing it along.

Written by an Australian Dentist

To Kill an American

You probably missed this in the rush of news, but there was actually a report that someone in Pakistan had published in a newspaper, an offer of a reward to anyone who killed an American, any American.

So an Australian dentist wrote an editorial the following day to let everyone know what an American is . So they would know when they found one. (Good one, mate!!!!)

'An American is English, or French, or Italian, Irish, German, Spanish , Polish, Russian or Greek. An American may also be Canadian, Mexican, African, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Australian, Iranian, Asian, or Arab, or Pakistani or Afghan.

An American may also be a Comanche, Cherokee, Osage, Blackfoot, Navaho, Apache, Seminole or one of the many other tribes known as native Americans.

An American is Christian , or he could be Jewish, or Buddhist, or Muslim. In fact, there are more Muslims in America than in Afghanistan. The only difference is that in America they are free to worship as each of them chooses.

An American is also free to believe in no religion. For that he will answer only to God, not to the government, or to armed thugs claiming to speak for the government and for God.

An American lives in the most prosperous land in the history of the world.

The root of that prosperity can be found in the Declaration of Independence , which recognizes the God given right of each person to the pursuit of happiness..

An American is generous. Americans have helped out just about every other nation in the world in their time of need, never asking a thing in return.

When Afghanistan was overrun by the Soviet army twenty years ago, Americans came with arms and supplies to enable the people to win back their country!

As of the morning of September 11, Americans had given more than any other nation to the poor in Afghanistan .

The national symbol of America , The Statue of Liberty , welcomes your tired and your poor, the wretched refuse of your teeming shores, the homeless and tempest-tossed. These in fact are the people who built America

Some of them were working in the Twin Towers the morning of September 11 , 2001 earning a better life for their families. It's been told that the World Trade Center victims were from at least 30 different countries, cultures, and first languages, including those that aided and abetted the terrorists.

So you can try to kill an American if you must. Hitler did. So did Mussolini, Tojo , and Stalin , and Mao Tse-Tung, and other blood-thirsty tyrants in the world. But, in doing so you would just be killing yourself . Because Americans are not a particular people from a particular place. They are the embodiment of the human spirit of freedom. Everyone who holds to that spirit, everywhere, is an American.

My friends, I wish you all a very happy Christmas.

Hugh

Hello my friends!

Welcome to this weeks tales from the road blog.

STORY OF THE SONG PART 2: FINDING IRELAND IN AMERICA

A few weeks back I wrote about my song 'Hollywood Ending?' today I am going to fill you in on the song that will be the title track on my new CD.

As with 'Hollywood Ending?' I will take you behind the music so to speak telling you the story behind this song. What or who was the inspiration, where I wrote it etc You'll also get a sneak peek at the process of writing a song and how YOU my audience have been knowingly and unknowingly involved in the editing and rewriting my new songs.

A) The song title and the album title:

While looking at several possible titles I had come up with for this new song my songwriting teacher Harriet said "Oh I like this one Hugh, 'Finding Ireland In America'. Yes that's good, it would make a great album title too".

Its a perfect title too in my mind for the concept I have for this new CD. I want it to be an album about the immigrant experience, about adapting to living in America and about the journey of personal discovery that has come with this experience. Every song on this new CD will be connected directly to this concept / theme.

B) The inspiration:

'Finding Ireland In America' was inspired by living here in America by all the great people I have met and befriended over the past few years touring around the Southwest, yes, I am talking about YOU!

You have shared many, many heartfelt stories about Ireland, your heritage and your spiritual connection with the emerald Isle 'the motherland' with me. Getting to know you and hearing your stories I have experienced first hand the deep connection so many of you have to Ireland. And whether you are a recent immigrant like me or third or fourth generation Irish the connection seems ultimately the same. Strangely though in some cases those of you with a more distant connection can be more passionate about all things Irish than people like me who were born in Ireland!

You have helped me understand what it really means to be Irish, what it means to have Irish blood in your veins. I don't say this lightly, when you live in Ireland surrounded by Irish people its hard to truly see all it is that makes you Irish. But having lived here now in this cultural melting pot that is California for almost seven years I believe I have discovered many of the cultural characteristics that make the Irish heritage unique.

C) How YOU have been helping to improve this song:

I have performed many versions of this song 'live' over the past few months and your reaction to these versions has inspired me to either continue to clarify the lyrics or confirmed for me that its working.

For example the first night I ever played this song 'live' was in a venue in Fresno called the Public House. I was so excited to play the song that night, I really thought I had the lyrics finished but to my frustration as soon as I sang the first two lines of the song I knew it wasn't right.

How could I tell? It was part gut instinct but also I could tell by my looking at my friend Adam Klusner's face! I could tell the story I was trying to tell and the one he was hearing were two different stories. I was so pissed off I actually blanked on the next lyrics, I stopped and started the song again! By the way I don't mean to pick on Adam his honest reaction actually really helped me, he just happened to be sitting right up front.

These were the opening lyrics I sang that night....

"To know America the beautiful, I had to live upon her shore. Across the ocean wide I came to her, like so many have before"

I realized at the moment I sang these lyrics that (a) it sounded like I was singing a patriotic song and (b) that it seemed a tad 'preachy' which I believe is a real turn off to most listeners.

This was beginning the song with confusion, the last thing I wanted. I couldn't believe I hadn't seen this in these lyrics before but sometimes its in this 'live' situation where you make these discoveries.

These are the lyrics I have now...

"I came from Ireland to America, like so many have before. In search of hope and opportunity, I found all of this and more".

I am sure you'd agree that these new lyrics above are a lot more direct and to the point, they're less 'arty farty' too, they also set up the lyrics (the story) that follows much, much better (these are the lyrics that follow below).

"The immigrant ships brought so many souls, their spirit carries on, for in my eyes I see their light still burning strong....


I'm finding Ireland in America, discovering who I am and where I'm coming from.

I'm seeing Ireland in America, in a smile, in a handshake, in traditions passed along. Oh my emerald Isle is far away but I never feel alone cause when I'm finding Ireland in America, I'm finding home".

D) Recording update:

I am starting to record this new CD in January 2009. 'Hollywood Ending?' will be the first song to be recorded followed by 'Finding Ireland in America' I'll keep you posted on the recording progress and the other new songs I've been working on.

THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL

Now onto something completely different! I watched the original black and white 1951 movie 'The day the earth stood still' for the first time last week. I wanted to see it before I saw the new version which just arrived in theatres this weekend.

If you haven't seen the original movie its about the very public arrival of an alien emissary and his security robot to Earth. They come to warn us of the dire consequences that face Earth if we continue with our use of the atomic bomb.

Seeing this old movie made me think about an article I read recently in my favorite author Whitley Strieber's www.unknowncountry.com newsletter. The article was about a high ranking member of the British R.A.F. (Royal Air Force), Sir Peter Horsley, who claimed to have had a meeting with an extraterrestrial man in London in 1954. Here's my abridged version of the article perhaps you'll also see the similarity I saw between story in the movie and Sir Peter's encounter.

Air Marshal Sir Peter Horsley, former Deputy Commander in Chief of Strike Command, was a war hero who flew Mosquitoes against the Germans in World War 2, he held one of the highest ranks in the RAF and he was advisor to the Queen and Prince Phillip for seven years.

In his autobiography, "Sounds From Another Room", Sir Peter devotes a lengthy chapter to the subject of UFOs, including details of his investigations into sightings reported by pilots and his two hour meeting with a man Sir Peter believed was extraterrestrial.

One morning in 1954, in a dimly lit room in Chelsea, London Sir Peter met with 'Mr. Janus.' Without any preliminaries, writes Sir Peter, 'Mr. Janus asked me to tell him all I knew about UFOs. He listened patiently… At the end I thought I might be equally as direct and I asked Janus what his interest was? But it was here the strangeness of it all started – the man's extraordinary ability to read my thoughts. "Perhaps you and I can discuss the subject first and you will be able to judge whether I'm dangerous or not".

Sir Peter devotes 14 pages of his autobiography to the ensuing two hour discourse, of which selected excerpts follow.

Janus began by pointing out that "Flight to the stars is Man's ultimate dream, although knowledge of the vast distances involved in interstellar flight makes it appear only a dream. Yet perhaps after a hundred years or so… exploration of his own solar system may be complete and it is just not in Man's nature to stop there…Just as tribes found other tribes and Christopher Columbus discovered on his travels unknown centers of ancient civilizations so Man in his journeys through the universe may find innumerable centers of culture far more ancient than his own".

Janus at one point asked the rhetorical question "Why does Man reach for the stars?...... His energies have never been solely directed towards material benefits alone. From the beginning of Man's history he has striven… towards a spirituality and grace of which he was aware but could not fully comprehend. This drive to reach out beyond himself has been the motive power behind some of Man's finest achievements… So Man invading space for material gain or personal glorification alone will gain nothing, but Man searching to enrich his own spirituality and nature will come closer to understanding that God is Universal ".

As I mentioned above this is my abridged version of an article that I read in the latest edition of the www.unknowncountry.com newsletter. I'll leave it up to you to decide what to make of it.

The full article can be found at www.nationalufocenter.com
BY THE WAY I SAW A UFO LAST NIGHT...SERIOUSLY:

I was driving back from a show early on Sunday morning heading north on the 5 freeway (oh for you smart arses out there... NO... I hadn't been drinking) and as I was went through the city of Lake Forest something just ahead of me and above the freeway caught my eye. Just as I got a good look at it though the object took off north directly away from me at an unbelievable rate of speed.

When I first glimpsed this object, it appeared to be a triangular shaped. There was no flashing lights or lights of any kind on it (unlike the pic above) and it appeared to be khaki in color. The object must've been pretty close above, I thought aprox 400 to 500 feet, because the underside of it was lit up by the city lights. I am not sure whether it had been hovering or just traveling at a slower rate of speed when I first saw it but I'm telling you no manmade aircraft I've ever seen could have taken off at that kind of acceleration.

Literally I saw an 'unidentified flying object'! Was it an extra terrestrial craft? or maybe some experimental military plane? I really don't know. Make of it what you will but whatever it was I am reporting this exactly as I witnessed it.

BLOG BOOK UPDATE: I NEED YOUR HELP

Back to things down on earth I am now in the process of editing my blog book. Its going to be hard to decide what gets left out but unfortunately with the 52 blogs printing out a total of over 100 pages of regular copy paper some stories will just have to be left out.

With this in mind I wanted to ask you what were your favorite blog stories?

and which blog stories do you think absolutely should or MUST be included?

BTW if you need a refresh your memory you can view part 1 through 52 of the blogs by simply going to my website and clicking on the tab 'BLOGS FROM THE ROAD'. The first blog you'll see was last weeks but just scroll down the page and you'll go backwards through all the earlier blogs. www.hughmusic.com
Have a great week my friends.

Hugh

Hello my friends!

Welcome to this weeks tales from the road blog.

ENTERING THE WALL OF FOG

As I drove down out of the L.A. mountains into the central California valley last Friday afternoon the scene before me was like something out of a horror movie. As far as the eye could see all there was nothing but a giant wall of fog. I wish I’d had a camera. Just for a moment I felt like I was in a ‘Hammer Horror’ B movie descending into Transylvania!

Thankfully once I entered the ‘wall of fog’ it didn’t really affect the drive up to Fresno, the visibility was about a mile. Its was so weird to not have blue skies and sunshine in California for two days though, it almost felt unnatural! It reminded me of gloomy weather we get back in Ireland.

DRIVING MUSIC

Moving swiftly on from ‘the weather’ I drive a lot and as most of you know I hire rental cars when I’m traveling distance. I am not a fussy car renter but I do politely insist on two things 1. cruise control and 2. a CD player. I have mentioned in a previous blogs how I listen to talk radio to pass the time while I drive but listening to the right CD’s really helps me too.

Recently much to my own frustration I left one of my favorite CD’s in a rental car, the CD was ‘Riot’ by a band I love called ‘Paramore‘. I got a new copy of the CD as a present last week and I was so excited to have it on again in the car. I can listen to that Paramore CD ‘Riot’ over and over again, there’s not many albums you can say that about anymore.I especially love listening to it when the highway is open as I’m cruising at 80mph oops I mean 70mph (yeah right). www.paramore.net
Other music I’ve been listening to recently includes the soundtrack from ‘Once’ (I reckon I talked enough about that subject in last weeks blog!) and an album called ‘That And Change’ by one of my favorite singer songwriters, Kelly Fitzgerald. Who does Kelly sound like? well...think Bonnie Raitt meets Sheryl Crow. I think some of you might really like her music You can check Kelly out at www.kellyfitzgerald.net
These CD’s are great to listen to when the traffic’s heavy and I need to remain calm while crazy So Cal drivers do all the psycho things they do.

So my friends tell me what music do you drive too?

GOOD OLD BOYS & GANGBANGERS IN THE BINGO HALL

I played at a new venue on Friday night. It was a last minute booking (thanks to Marty the booker and Chris the plugger) and I was grateful to get it. The staff were very nice but it was a unusual venue. To me it seemed like it was a part European bar, part Bingo hall. Seriously, they had all those long bingo hall like tables, the ceiling was pretty high and the room was long so the sound kind of echoed.

When I started playing the bar was filled with mostly regulars who were basically a bunch of good old boys. Well Fresno is a farming cowboy town. These regulars seemed to be eyeing me up suspiciously as I was setting up my equipment and when I started playing jaws dropped and they just stared at me like I just got beamed down from a spaceship.

I was thinking oh shit is this going to be like that place at the end of the movie ‘From Dusk Till Dawn’ where a strange bar turns out to be a vampire hangout? Would Salma Hayek suddenly emerge to dance with a giant snake!? No such luck, it was just plain and simple culture shock. Some of the regulars did come round though and after some encouragement from the Moynihan’s Pirate Choir’ (Fresno’s chapter of the Hugh Nation) they soon joined in the Irish fun.

Later on there was more weirdness because after most of the good old boy regulars left they were replaced with a bunch of wannabe gang bangers...I was confused... it was as if the bar had suddenly shifted into an alternative universe.

These gangbanger wannabes were white and Hispanic guys whose clothes and every move seemed imitated to perfection from rap videos. They finished every sentence with the word ‘ni**er’. I know you’ve seen these type of dudes before they’re everywhere.

Towards the end of the night as some of these 50 cent gangsta wannabes went out for a smoke one of them turned to me and said “Oh man I love your music ni**er”. I’ve been called many things in my time but that was a first.

THE BOONDOCK SAINTS

My friend Marty who very kindly puts me up every time I’m in Fresno was so horrified that I had never seen the movie ‘The Boondocks Saints’ that he insisted on putting it on for me after the show on Friday night. I was glad he did.

This movie kicks serious arse. It was like an Irish version of Pulp Fiction on speed! If you haven’t seen it, it’s a movie about these two Irish hit men brothers and their Italian friend who after a bar fight with Russian mobsters on St Patrick’s day and its bizarre aftermath go on a vigilante rampage against the Russian and Italian mobs in Boston.

William Defoe plays an FBI agent in the movie and he is amazing in it. He should have got an Oscar for that performance. Marty was right when he said you’ll never see William Defoe the same way again after watching this movie.

VOODOO, PIXIE DUST, COOKIES AND MITTENS

When I play in Fresno my friend Jenny studies for college on her laptop during my shows and as I mentioned in a previous blog every time she takes a test after studying at one of my shows she aces it! Well this weekend Jenny claims to have further proof that studying to Hugh can make you smarter because when she took a test recently when I wasn’t in town she didn’t do as well.

Apparently when I’m in town I bring some kind of voodoo, Irish pixie dust or something that really helps her test scores. Wait a minute wouldn’t pixie dust make me some sort of Irish fairy? F**k that analogy. I’m happy with the voodoo.

In appreciation of my ‘voodoo’, good karma, positive energy (whatever) Jenny brought me some home made cookies to die for, her Mom taught her how to bake good, (good job Tami) and a pair of funky mittens to help me through what was for me at least Fresno’s freezing cold ‘wall of fog’. Thanks Jenny I appreciate the karma coming back. Oh and good luck in your test. Hopefully my voodoo works again this time!

IAN, THE SIGN PACT AND THE CREATION OF THE GET IN HUGH'S BLOG DRINKING GAME

While I was playing on Saturday night my friend Ian (the cannon borrower) who became determined to attract more people into the show took one of my poster board signs outside the bar on Saturday night and stood on the street corner holding the sign proudly above his head. This was a funny moment but I realized Ian had forgotten a pact he’d made earlier that afternoon.

You see I had been in the car earlier with Marty and Ian when they saw some poor guy waving an advertising sign at the side of the road. Upon seeing this guy who was obviously desperate for money the boys swore a pact with each other. Marty said “If either of us ever ends up doing a job like that, lets promise we’d drive by and egg one another” and Ian replied “I agree”.

Thankfully for Ian there was no eggs available for throwing in the bar but seeing as I have mentioned Ian’s name now six times in this blog I believe that puts him ahead in the ‘Get in Hugh’s Blog’ drinking game which Marty and my friend Rob (aka Josey Wales) created on Saturday afternoon. (Gentlemen please post the rules for this new Hugh Nation blog drinking game in the after blog comments so all the Nation can join in!)

TWITTER

By the way for those of you on 'Twitter' I just joined you can find me at www.twitter.com/irishhugh
WEEKEND QUOTES:

“It’s Saturday night you Motherf**kers...... so if you’re human... and you’ve got a pulse put your f**kin hands up”.

“Oh and if you don‘t have a pulse?” (you’re dead) “Read my shirt”

I pulled my guitar off to the side so everyone could see and on my shirt there was a picture of a bad ass shotgun and underneath it reads...."Zombie repellant".

Have a great week my friends.

Hugh

Hello my friends,

Welcome to this weeks installment of my tales from the road blog. This week I am just bursting to talk about the extraordinary Irish movie 'Once'. This movie had such a profound impact on me on so many levels, let me explain....

'ONCE'. A MOVIE LIKE NO OTHER

So I finally got to see the movie 'Once' last week. So many people have told me about this movie and how I needed to 'drop everything' and see it. I am so sorry my friends (you know who you are) I should have listened to you. One of the songs in the movie 'Falling slowly' just won the Oscar for Best Song in a motion picture this year.

'Once' is a movie set in Dublin, Ireland. Its about two musicians an Irish guy and a Czech girl and how over the course of a week they fall in love and help each other heal their broken hearts. Its a love story with a musical documentary like feel. I don't think I've ever seen anything quite like it.

www.foxsearchlight.com/once/
EMOTIONAL IMPACT

For those of you who haven't seen 'Once' I don't want to give too much away but I should warn you this movie will hit you hard, it's real emotional rollercoaster ride.

There is one scene in the movie that takes place in a piano store where the guy and the girl 'jam' out (rehearse) a song, it's the song that won the Oscar called 'Falling Slowly'.

I have not seen a scene in a movie with this much emotional impact EVER period. I was an emotional train wreck watching it.

SEEING MY LIFE

For me personally this movie struck me on so many levels. First its set in the city I grew up in Dublin. I have busked on Grafton street as the guy in the movie does, I have walked on Vico Road and Killiney hill where the guy and the girl visit on a motorbike like a million times!

Also the house my wife and I bought when we got married is literally 5 minutes walk from where the Czech girl's 'flat' (apartment) was in the movie.

The movie also peeks into aspects of the life of a songwriter rarely seen in movies. The Actual process of writing a song, jamming it with other musicians and recording it. In so many ways this movie felt like I was like seeing parts of my life in someone else's movie! I get chills just thinking about it, it was kind of spooky.

DO YOU WANT TO GET A CUP OF TEA OR GO FOR A WALK?

Then there's the Irish cultural aspect to the movie and I don't mean just the scenery, the locations where it was shot or the extremely casual use of the word f**k in every line of dialogue (sooooo Irish). After hundred's of years of English tyranny its our right to bastardize the English language!

But its much more than all that, it's also in the characters in the movie. The guy who tries to rob the Irish musician at the start of the movie, the bank manager who fancies himself as a songwriter, the recording studio engineer, the Irish musicians Dad who runs a 'hoover' (vacuum cleaner) repair store. All these characters have small parts in the movie but these people are such authentic characters of Dublin and they really add to the movies authenticity.

At one point in the movie the guy asks the girl (that's how they appear in the credits, guy & girl) "Do you want to go for a cup of tea or a walk?"

WOW what an Irish cultural thing that is!

Let me put that in context. If I asked an American girl if she wanted to go for a walk she'd probably think I was (A) a psycho or (B) a serial killer.

And if I asked her to go for a cup of tea?? she'd most likely think I was gay!

MY MUSICAL HERO: PHILLIP LYNOTT

The movie also connected with me in another deeply personal way when in one of the scenes in the movie I saw for the first time the statue of my musical hero Phillip Lynott. He was the singer with the Irish rock band 'Thin Lizzy'. (see below)

The scene I'm talking about is where the guy and girl are recruiting musicians to play in the studio with them and they meet some street musicians who are busking beside Lynott's statue. I have seen pictures of the statue but I haven't seen it in person yet and so seeing it in the movie was incredible for me. Let me explain why.

The first concert I ever went to see was one of Thin Lizzy's farewell shows and it was after this incredible experience that I had a epiphany. I said to myself that's it... I want to do for other people what this concert just did for me.

I haven't looked back since that night.

A few years after that night Phillip Lynott tragically died of a drug overdose, he was only 36 years old. I attended Lynott's funeral and later used to regularly visit his grave to pay my respects to my musical hero. One day I was visiting his graveside and up walks this woman (I presumed she was another fan) and I asked her "So did you know Phil?" and she said to me " Yes.......I'm his Mother"! As you can imagine I was speechless.

Seeing firsthand my respect for her son she invited me back to his home, where she now lived, for a cup of tea!! (there's that Irish invite for a cup of tea again!). So I went back to Phillip Lynott's house and his Mother gave me the grand tour (I was literally shaking) this would be the Irish equivalent of say Pricilla Presley giving an Elvis fan a personal tour around Graceland

I had a great chat with Mrs. Lynott over that cup of tea. Then before I left Mrs. Lynott gave me a gift of some rare Thin Lizzy memorabilia. I was blown away, it was one of the best days of my life.

It's amazing all the memories that just seeing this statue in the movie brought up.

THE COMMITMENTS CONNECTION:

Glen Hansard who plays the guy in 'Once' also had a part in another famous Irish musical movie called 'The Commitments'. I remember going to audition for that movie, me and every musician and actor in Ireland!, literally thousands of people went in for it. I was one of the few lucky ones to get past the initial audition stages and get to audition personally before the director of the movie, Alan Parker who movies include Fame, Mississippi Burning, Pink Floyd's The Wall, Evita and more recently Angela's Ashes.

In the end I didn't get a part in the movie. I was naturally disappointed but I remember going to see the movie a year or so later and feeling a real sense of pride towards all the Irish cast who did such an incredible job in the movie. Ireland is a small country and seeing fellow Irish musicians and actors do well is nothing but encouragement to me.

(Glen Hansard is on the front on the left with the long hair)

Apart from his appearance in the Commitment's Glen Hansard has sung in a band called 'The Frames'. They have had some success but now after winning the Oscar for best song Glen Hansard now graduated up to the status of Irish Music Legend.

He is a extremely talented musician and now stands alongside the likes of Van Morrison, Phillip Lynott (Thin Lizzy), blues guitar legend Rory Gallagher, U2 and others. Even after watching just the first song he sings in the movie I am sure you'll agree.

Although I have never met Glen Hansard I feel a connection with him, like he's a musical brother in arms if you will. He's a little older than me but we still come from the same generation of Irish musicians. We also play the exact same model Takamine guitar! (see below).

We have gone on different paths but both are musicians for life. Its never been a hobby for guys like us, its a crusade, it's our mission in life. Hansard winning the Oscar is inspiration to me to keep plugging away and proves that in today's new independent music world success can come to those who persevere in the most unexpected ways.

A FRIENDS CLOSE ENCOUNTER WITH THE STARS OF 'ONCE'

My friend and amazing guitar tech Bernie 'The professor' Tusko (I've talked about him in previous blogs) had a close encounter of the greatest kind with the stars of 'Once' Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova that I just have to share.

Bernie like me was totally blown away by the movie. He became a fan of the band which the stars of 'Once' play in together which is called 'The Swell Season'. www.theswellseason.com
Bernie has been telling me to see this movie since he accidentally ended up seeing it in movie theatre in 2007. I apologize to you Bernie I should have watched this movie when you told me to.

Going back to Bernie's encounter...at a secret Swell Season show at McCabe's in Santa Monica just before the 2008 Oscar's Bernie noticed that Glen's guitar was experiencing serious technical problems. That night after the show Bernie contacted Glenn Hansard's manager offering to fix Glenn's guitar, he felt he could help but did not expect anything to come of it.

Amazingly Glenn's manager emailed Bernie back and then Glenn contacted Bernie directly. Just days later the stars of 'Once' arrived at Bernie's house in Laguna Beach to hand over Glenn's guitar to be fixed!

Over a few days Bernie fixed Glenn's guitar and then saw him use it at Coachella music festival from backstage. The job Bernie did on the Glenn's guitar was incredible and there is way more to this story but I won't get into all the details here.

This story it yet another reason why I felt so connected to this incredible movie 'Once'. So if you haven't seen it already what are you waiting for? go now and rent it. I promise you'll thank me later!

Have a great week my friends.

Hugh

Hello my friends,

Welcome to the latest installment of my tales from the road blog.

VEGETARIAN COUGARS?

An older woman out on the town and on the prowl being called a 'Cougar' is an expression I only heard for the first time recently in Tucson (thanks Kim).

Just like the American expression 'flip a bitch' (meaning make a U-turn) the expression 'cougar' isn't exactly politically correct but I reckon that's exactly why I think its funny.

So on Thursday night when two so called 'cougars' walked into the bar I figured something blog-able was about to occur.

Sitting facing each other at a table in a strategic location the two cougars swiftly eyed up all the males in the bar. They were like a pair of bounty hunters looking for their 'prey' or maybe a pair of bank robbers casing out a bank for a robbery!

Personally I felt like a crew member on the Starship Enterprise after being 'scanned' against my will by a hostile Alien species. (Cougar-ians?.....oh God I am a freakin nerd)

When the cougar's food arrived, I was surprised... there was no steaks or half pound burgers! there was no red meat to be seen anywhere....I couldn't believe it....the cougars had ordered salads!!

Vegetarian Cougars?..... WTF?

Then mid way through their 'rabbit food' (horny rabbit pun intended) the vegan cougars paid their bill and abruptly got up and left.

Who knows what was going on in their vegan cougar minds I can only speculate on their bizarre behavior but while looking for a funny pic to put in the blog I came across the following scary website that if nothing else will show you on thing. WATCH OUT....these cougars are organized! http://www.cougarplanet.com
CLASSICAL INTERLUDE IN A MINOR

Swiftly moving on..on Friday I went to see my friend Meily's piano recital at Holsclaw hall in the U of A school of music. WOW! I've said it before I'll say it again she's freakin' amazing!

While I am obviously a rock n roll musician I have great respect for classical musicians. At least the ones who aren't total musical snobs! They have to work really hard in a very competitive university environment. Even the slightest mistakes while performing are simply not tolerated. The hours of daily practice they put into their instrument is to me one the highest forms of dedication to art.

The first piece of music Meily played was a piece by Schubert called 'Piano Sonata in A minor'. It was an epic twenty minute piece in three parts with very dramatic and musically dynamic passages. She performed it brilliantly.

Her second piece (after a super fast Cher like backstage costume change!) was performed with her friend Abigail. It was a piece of music for one piano and four hands. I'd never seen a classical piano piece performed like this before. The four hands on one piano created a huge sweeping sound and it was a perfect way to conclude the recital. I felt privileged to have been at the recital and am again in awe and inspired by Meily's great musical talent.

'TURN ON' SMELLS AND A CROOKED APPENDAGE?

How the subject of 'smells that turn you on' came up while talking with some of my friends on break on Friday night I'm still not exactly sure, but, here's what was said. I think you'll be amused. As has become my new practice I will use code names to protect those involved!

Madonna: " My Dad 'loved' the smell of cookies!

Me: "Really?".

Madonna: "Yeah he did.....and when I'd come home and tell my Mom that some guy had been hitting on me that day she would say.... oh you must've smelt of cookies".

Me: "Funny you should say that... but yesterday this girl (who shall not be identified) was walking by me and she just blurted out 'Oh that's smells goood... Is that your hair mousse?'. It was as if for just for a moment she had lost control of herself! I guess she had a thing for the smell of mousse".

Madonna: "I had a friend in London who had a thing for the smell of markers!".

Me: "Maybe her first sexual experience was with an art teacher?"

Marlene: (Out of nowhere) "My first sexual experience was with my music teacher".

Me: "What?".

Knowing Marlene, I knew that more information than was necessary was about to be divulged, so I put up my hands and said....

"Stop right there Marlene I don't want to know".

Madonna: "la la la la la la la" (meaning I don't want to hear)

Marlene: (Continuing regardless) "He had a crooked penis".

I was speechless. As you can see my breaks spent chatting with my friends are certainly never boring!

CAMPAIGN TO MAKE ERIN START UP HER OWN BLOG

Speaking of chatting with friends every time I'm in Tucson I hear more brilliant stories from my friend Erin and her family. I have encouraged Erin to write her own blog but so far she hasn't gone for it. So now I have decided that the time has come for me to recruit YOU my blog readers to help make it happen.

The final straw came this weekend after I heard about Erin's father landing a plane on a highway! and how Erin was a judges breath away from 6 months in jail for speeding in a car that was physically incapable of doing more than 65!!

That's it I thought to myself its time to start a campaign to make Erin start up her own blog. Having read her stories in my blog now over the last few months you'll know this is a new blog that's just SCREAMING to happen.

So if you live in Tucson call her and demand she blog, if you see her tell her face to face. For those of you who don't know her and have enjoyed her stories e-mail her demanding she blog (You'll find Erin in my My Space and Facebook top friends).

Sorry Erin (no pressure!) but I say give the people what they want!

I GO TOO FAR, A FIGHT BREAKS OUT AND ITS 5 MINUTES OF $1 BEERS!

A fight broke out while I was playing 'Wild Thing' on Saturday night. I heard later it was the usual nonsense one guy accusing another of flirting with his girl friend then the two guys get into it and then their girlfriends get into it. I guess some people never leave high school. The staff at the bar handled it very well quickly moving the warring parties outside. This ugliness inspired the bar to apologize to their customers for the fight ugliness by offering them 5 minutes of $1 beers!

All this action brilliantly covered up perhaps the worst thing I have ever said over the microphone.. EVER. It wasn't intentional it just came out all wrong. It was so bad I can't even bring myself to type it. I was trying to get the ladies up to dance and well....lets just say I went too far. I've never been so glad of a bar fight in my life!

A TALE OF TWO STALKERS

My friend Madonna (her code name) who I mentioned earlier had two stalkers prowling around her at the end of Saturday night. The first stalker guy was a wanna be Kris Kristofferson who was so drunk he could barely sit let alone walk. The second stalker was some young college dude who claimed to be from Finland. This guy looked so horny that he was about to start humping the leg of the table like a deranged dog. I spoke to him once and whatever language he was speaking it wasn't English.

These stalkers were hovering around her at one point like sharks circling their dinner. It was hilarious... it inspired me to start singing out loud the theme to the movie 'Jaws'!

Maybe I've got it all wrong though. Maybe this whole stalker scene was created by Madonna on purpose. A social experiment if you will... perhaps she was actually giving us all a 'live' demonstration of what the smell of cookies can do to men!

NEWSFLASH: SANTA CLAUS IS IRISH?

There we were three Irish folk united in Tucson discussing the things we miss about home including our cravings for Irish chocolate. There was Stephanie (aka Burnsy) from Belfast, David from Wexford and me.

Stephanie and David although both living in Tucson hadn't met each other before. I had met them separately and introduced them two weeks back thanks to the magnificent thing that is facebook. So this was the first time we'd ever all met together.

Me: "Oh man I f**king love Crunchies (Irish chocolate candy bar)"

David: "Yeah me too"

Stephanie: "I've got one down in my house"

Me: "Seriously!"

Stephanie: "Yeah".

Me to David: "Ok I'll race you down to Stephanie's house".

David: "I've got some in my house just around the corner just hang on here and I will bring them down to you".

Me: "Really?"

David: "Yeah"

So David heads off and five minutes later he arrives back to the bar with literally a sack of Irish goodies. Irish tea bags (practically Irish hash!) and a bucket full of Irish chocolate bars.... I was blown away... "This is for me?" I said.....it was f**kin unbelievable.

I told David "If you were a girl I'd f**kin 'snog' (Irish slang for kiss) you".

I opened the bag of tea bags and inhaled that beautiful smell like a freakin' junkie! You've got to smell this I said and passed the bag around the table.

As David headed off he called Stephanie 'Burnsy' (her last name is Burns) which was such an Irish thing to do (it sent a shiver up my spine) I f**kin loved it. Steph says she'll now be calling me Hughie (which is what everyone back home called me) and David, Davey.

After Dave left I shared some of the chocolate with my friends around the table. I told Steph to take some tea bags and at first she was polite but when I encouraged her to help herself she did something really hilarious she cupped her hands together filled them up with teabags and dumped them into her handbag! The look in her eyes was priceless.

The love of tea in Ireland is practically legend.

I joked I would have been divorced years ago if it wasn't for tea...yes my friends cups of tea are that important to Irish women!! The look in Steph's eyes only confirmed it.

So I say God bless you David you were like a f**king Irish Santa Claus coming in with that sack. You also proved that karma is a beautiful thing.

Have a great week my friends

Hugh

Hello my friends!

Welcome to my latest tales from the road blog. Its been an interesting week. I'll start last Wednesday night in Hollywood...

HOLLYWOOD ENDING GETS HOLLYWOOD DEBUT!

Last Wednesday night I played at a venue called The M Bar in Hollywood. This show is a monthly songwriting 'Soiree' (buffet dinner and a show) put on by Lawim (Los Angeles Women in Music) www.lawim.com The evening was hosted by my songwriting teacher Harriet Schock. www.harrietschock.com
I was one of eight performers on the night and each of us got to perform two songs. This kind of show is light years away from the type of shows I normally play in bars. At a show like this one the audience are silent while you sing! I love that but it does take some adjustment.

The standard of performers was very high and included one of my favorite independent artists, Kelly Fitzgerald. She also studied with my teacher Harriet Schock. Kelly is a fantastic songwriter, her performance energy is infectious and she just makes it all seem so Goddamn effortless! www.kellyfitzgerald.com
One of the songs I sang on the night has recently become the Hugh Nation's favorite song, 'Hollywood Ending?'. So enamored have some of you become with this song that I have been threatened with violence if I don't record it by the end of the year! The feedback to my song 'Hollywood ending?' after the show was very positive which I guess proves the sophistication of the Hugh Nation. You've been telling me this song is a single now for months.

(See picture taken during my performance @ the M bar in my Facebook blog photos gallery. The picture was taken by photographer Andrea Ross-Greene. Check out Andrea's website at: www.andrearossgreene.com)

There were many other great performers on the night including beat poet/rapper Sean Douglas and his band. www.seandouglasmusic.com
There was one performer on this night though who I believe is worthy of the title 'living legend'. His name is Dini Clarke. Dini has worked as an accompianist for Ella Fitzgerald and Billie Holiday (I know, I know mindblowing) and as a voice coach has worked with Roberta Flack and five time Grammy winner Peabo Bryson. Listening to Dini sing at the piano I was transported back in time to the era of the movie Casablanca. He is a truly remarkable performer. You can check Dini out at www.dibomusic.com
ALL IN THE NAME OF THE HUGH NATION:

Thank you to all the Moynihan's pirate choir (the Fresno chapter of the Hugh Nation) who came out in force this weekend. Some of you did all in your power to rally the pirate choir to arms (so to speak) and I appreciate your efforts most sincerely. Your efforts have been vindicated as it seems that for the first time since Moynihan's Irish Pub closed we may have found a new place we can really make our own. Thanks to Scott, Chris and all the staff at Sequoia Brewing Co. Special thanks also to Pirate choir board members Marty, Anne, Carol Ann, Tami, Mike Moynihan and Chris T.

On Friday night there was a few local people who looked a little shellshocked as the pirate choir and I did our thing (a little bit of cultureshock methinks). Seeing these poor sorry souls lost in their own anal retentiveness my friend Sarah (The Sarah-nator) took it upon herself to pass out some of my song lists as a way of breaking some ice. She even danced with a guy who I'd best describe as an eighties hillbilly hobbit for the cause. Oh the things my friends do all in the name of the Hugh Nation. Again, I thank you all.

On a side note I have been told that apparently listening to Hugh makes you smarter! I know it sounds funny but a friend of mine Jenny aced a test recently that she had studied for on her laptop during my last show in Fresno!!

The energy from the pirate choir surely helped too although I can't imagine Jenny's professor believing the Hugh Nation could help her ace a test.

Hmmm I wonder could we prove Jenny's theory scientifically? I say give her professor a pint of Guinness, a shot of whiskey and a night with the Hugh Nation and I think we'd make him a believer!

Here's the Sarah-nator above showing off her new Hugh Nation T-Shirt. (Pic: Tami Hall Herman). This gives me a great opportunity to shamelessly plug these new T-shirts again! You can buy them right now at my website www.hughmusic.com
THE WIND THAT SHAKES THE BARLEY:

I watched an incredible movie on Saturday afternoon called 'The Wind That Shakes The Barley'. It's set in 1920's Ireland and it's about two brothers caught on opposing sides of the Irish Civil war. Its such an intense movie and the way its shot you really feel like you're right there in the middle of the action with the characters.

Be warned though this movie is a real emotional rollercoaster ride. I laughed, I cried and I practically curled up in horror. The movie handles this subject matter very realistically and no punches are pulled. For any of you with any interest in Irish history this is a MUST SEE movie.

I GUESS SOMEONE THINKS I NEED JESUS:

I found a business card for a local church in my tip jar on Saturday night. It made me think back over the evenings show and I wondered what had I done to make an audience member think I needed Jesus? then I remembered....

During my rendition of 'Fight for your right to party' I asked the audience to collectively make the sign of the beast and when they did I then bellowed in a deep low voice "SATAN!". I was playing around of course but not for the first time it seems someone missed the punch line of my joke.

On the website of the church it states the following:

"OUR PURPOSE:

Together, we are GROWING in our walk with God, LIVING in relationship with others and intentionally REACHING people who are far from God".

So am I 'that guy' who's quote unquote "far from God"?

Am I being mistaken for a rock n roll Satanist??

But it dosen't make any sense how could they mistake me for a Satanist? With my beard and my long hair I couldn't look any more like Jesus if I tried!

PAST LIVES, MYSTERIOUS SHARED DREAMS, ALIEN ASTRONAUTS- IMPLANTS- LOST TIME & ABDUCTIONS. OH AND LORENA MC KENNIT AND ROB ZOMBIE DID THE SOUNDTRACK.....YEAH...... IT WAS LIKE THAT!

Late night after show get togethers in Fresno are always entertaining and this weekend was no exception. To protect all those involved I won't use names and will be vague where I need to. This evenings get together took place on the porch of one of my friends in Fresno. Beer was being consumed cigarettes were being smoked while music came loudly from the house out through the open front door.

Initially there was conversation about recollections of past lives, people who mysteriously shared the same dreams and the history of the Catholic church! In the background I heard this incredible music start up that stopped me in my tracks.... "Who the f**k is that?" I asked...."That's Loreena Mc Kennitt" I was told "Wow its f**king amazing" I said.

It really was stop you in your tracks music for me the instant I heard it. Let me try and describe it. It's like Enya meets Kate Bush with a gypsy drummer!

Interestingly I had just recently got a Loreena Mc Kinnett's CD as a gift from a friend in Tucson but hadn't had a chance to listen to it yet. Its turns out the people here on the porch were big Mc Kinnitt fans so much so that one guy had acrually used a Mc Kinnitt track as his wedding song.

Its amazing to me how so many of the people I befriend on the road have so many similarities to each other. It seems there is a genuine connection between all the great friends I have made throught our shared heritage. Call me crazy, you wouldn't be the first, but I don't believe its just coincidence.

Check out Loreena McKinnitt's music at: www.quinlanroad.com I guarantee this womans music will send shivers down your spine.

Later the music went darker and as Rob Zombie screamed from the back of his Dragula into the Fresno night conversation went onto the subject of alien astronauts. This led to some showing their scars of possible alien implants and telling tales of experiencing lost time and alien abduction!

From Hollywood to Alien abduction...its really been an interesting week!

I hope you enjoyed this weeks tales from the road blog. Please post comments after the blog. Your feedback is always encouraged.

Have a great week my friends.

Hugh

Welcome my friends!

Wow this weeks tales from the road is a strange trip. There's tales of facebook headlines, gay flirting, stoner DJ's, a secret storyteller society and one man's apparent evolutionary transformation into a monkey! Read on.....

OBAMA HYSTERIA!

So the longest election campaign in history finally ended last week and congratulations are due to President Elect Obama. This was the first U.S. presidential election I have really paid close attention to and I think no matter what side you were on it certainly was one hell of a ride. I was somewhat amazed at the sheer hatred I saw from the extremes on both sides towards the end of the campaign but on the flip side I haven't witnessed this kind of enthusiasm to vote since I participated with everyone in Ireland (North and South) to vote for the 'Good Friday Peace Agreement' in 1999.

I collected below just some of the headlines my friends posted on facebook on election night just after Obama was declared the winner. Some of them are quite humorous and I thought you'd get a kick out of reading them.

JG: is very happy about the US election. Who wants to come to Washington DC for the inauguration on January 20, 2009? I've already booked my flight!

MS: "believes we can be extraordinary together, rather than ordinary apart".

SB: is ECSTATICALLY happy for America and for the whole fucking world!!!!!

ES: OBAMA WILL GET THE BEST BLOW JOB OF HIS LIFE TONIGHT... CONGRATS... YOU DESERVE IT!

AHV: is hopeful and thankful.

WH: is proud to be an American

JZ: is celebrating his vote for change.

CP: the white house is BLACK yall!!

AM: Yes we can!!

AM: is glad he did!!!!!! Go OBAMA!!!!! FOR A CHANGE!

BB: is clear that this means much more than any of us even realize right now.

MG: congratulates BARACK OBAMA!! I am ready for change.

JRC: America has spoken!!! Way to go Obama you have unified many!

CC: is glad the warmongers are done.

CC: is celebrating Change...and booze. Mostly Change though.

EK: is elated...It's a new day, It's a new dawn, It's a new life for... Earthlings...And I'm feelin' goooood!!

JRS: thinks it's amazing to watch history being made!

This blows me away...for some reason it reminds me of seeing the old footage of when the Beatles first arrived in America!! With all the problems America is currently facing I hope for all our sake's that President Obama lives up to the hype.

FEELING THE GAY LOVE

Moving swiftly back into my own land of OZ I was...ahem...'flirted with' by two gay men on Thursday night. Maybe you can help me figure out why!

The first guy comes right up to me abruptly takes my hand pulls me close to him and says "I've seen you here before, oh you do such a great job" he then pauses for dramatic effect looked at me practically fluttering his eyelashes and continued "Oh and I love your hair".

I was stunned.

This was not to be an isolated incident though as later another guy comes up to me requests a song and says in a VERY 'West Hollywood' accent

"Oh my God.... if you play that song for me now...Oh.... I'll give you my heart".

I was dumbfounded. What the f**k was going on tonight? Was it something I was wearing? and more pressingly do I need security??

Your comments please...a penny for your theories...be nice.

HANG THE DJ, HANG THE DJ, HANG THE DJ...

This headline is a lyric taken from a song by 'The Smiths'. God I hated that band.. but I digress... the headline just seemed like a good segue way into this next story about yours truly vs. a 'Disc Jockey' who I'll call for the purposes of this blog DJ Stoner.

On Thursday I was swapping sets with DJ Stoner, we had been double booked. For those of you that were there you know it was an interesting night. The mix of REALLY LOUD Gangsta Rap and what I do is...well...like chalk and cheese but it wasn't the only way me and DJ Stoner would clash on this night.

So there I am doing an Irish rebel song with just the acoustic guitar and the audience is clapping along having a good time. DJ Stoner at this point decides to 'join in'. First he tries to join in with the clapping hands by hitting a bass drum effect on his DJ equipment but when he couldn't get that to go along in time (DOH!) he then started tapping his hand on his microphone along to the beat. Let me say politely that his sense of timing left something to be desired. He then shouted over his mic one of my infamous lines "C'mon this is an Irish bar!" as you can imagine this line coming from him didn't have quite the same effect.

The song ended and he says over the microphone "Give it up for Hugh" meaning 'F**k off Hugh it's my turn'.

Later I was getting ready to play again and he pretended he didn't see me and just kept going. My friend Kim saw what was going on and took it upon herself to walk right up to him and exchange a few...ahem.. 'pleasantries'(thanks Kim). So then as he lowered down Snoop Dogg's 'Park it like its hott' I joked over the mic "Wow... how do I follow Snoop Dogg?" the DJ misunderstood my humor and thought I was giving his DJing skills a compliment so he puts up his arms up like he'd won the duel and says "Thank you".

I know, I know...mind blowing.

In fairness this DJ was very drunk and VERY stoned so I am sure in his alternative universe there was a whole other different version of events night. I reckon that if this guy was an Native American Indian they'd have called him 'Dances with Weeds'.

STORYTELLING IN 3D

This is a wild story about a family of 'live to seek compensation' lawsuit lunatics who while on vacation in Mexico tried to have an innocent family of 10 stuck in jail!

I actually heard this story literally in 3D...ok let me explain...I have talked to you before in previous blogs about my friend Erin who I have nicknamed 'Erin the storyteller'. I have shared with you just some of her entertaining stories. But the more I've gotten to know Erin and her circle of family and friends it seems like everyone Erin's knows is a freakin' storyteller! For an Irishman like me who loves conversation I can't get enough! its just endless entertainment.

Her parents, her grandmother, numerous relations, her sister, her brother in law and her boyfriend all of them tell great stories. Is it possible I have come in contact with some secret storyteller society! I could literally write three blogs with the stories I heard over this weekend but instead I have chosen to share with you just one particular story that I heard in 3D...told jointly by Erin and her parents.

So Erin and her family are on vacation in Mexico there is 10 of them in a large mini van and as they are driving through a small Mexican town on the way to their destination they are forced to slow right down as there are lots of speed bumps that run close together in the town. Navigating the speed bumps their car accidentally 'taps' the car in front of them and this is when the fun started.

The people in the car in front of them (also from Arizona) jump out of the car holding their necks as if they'd just got out of a NASCAR wreck. Erin's Dad gets out to talk to these obvious 'live to seek compensation' lawsuit lunatics. Well these nut jobs just go off, they are screaming and shouting

the wife of this lunatic family claimed she was a police officer and said she was going to have Erin and her family all arrested by the Federales (Mexican police).

Erin's Dad seeing these people were beyond rational reasoning suggested he would go to the police station and bring the Federales back. So back into the car he got and drove away. They didn't drive to the police station though they just got back out on the road and got the hell out of dodge.

Twenty miles down the road the lunatic family catches up with Erin and co. and tries to run them off the road!! A high speed chase begins with the two cars dodging and weaving each other on the road. This situation had just gotten real nasty.

After a few minutes of this craziness Erin & co. are forced off the road into what was like an abandoned old gas station. A stand off ensued. The lunatic family pulled their car over in front of Erin & co's car and the wife of this lunatic family and her two small kids jumped out and stood behind Erin & co's car so they couldn't escape!

You couldn't make this up.

The Federales were summoned but the standoff continued it didn't come to blows but many harsh words were exchanged. It turned out the lunatic wife wasn't a police officer but a 911 operator...wow what a piece of work she was.

The Federales finally show up after TWO HOURS! and after listening to the two families stories the Federales order them both to follow them back to the police station in the town where the whole story began.

But just when it seemed that Erin's family vacation would be spent trying to get out of jail the Federales pulled off to the side of the road just before the town and told the two families that if they needed to work this out among themselves because otherwise they would have to be processed in the station and possibly jailed till the matter could be adjudicated by local authorities.

Erin's dad calls the Mexican visitor car insurance company and they dispatch their rep.

By the time he gets there its 2am and he's all dressed up in a suit like its the middle of the day. This insurance rep quickly figures out the situation and simply tells Erin's Dad to pay the Federales $100 US dollars and get the hell out of there. As they left he said that he would handle the lunatic family. They got on the road and didn't look back.

What happened to the lunatic family? who knows? who cares!

What a bunch of psycho whack jobs.

The moral of this story?

NEVER EVER drive in Mexico without car insurance.

MY FRIEND WITH THE CRAZY TERMINATOR LIKE SWITCH IN HIS BRAIN WHO LIKES TO SWING LIKE A MONKEY, GET SPANKED, IRISH DANCE AND GET IN FIGHTS.

Its late on Saturday night the crowd is up dancing having a great time I am playing away when in the corner of my eye I notice my friend David McGuiggan. I notice him because he's just stood up on his table and when I look at him I see he's got that look in his eye that I've seen many times before its like a switch had been flipped in his brain...Its crazy time! Mr. McGuiggan was about to 'go off'!

He looked like a man on a mission and he was looking for something...inspiration some little spark that would lead him to his next move. He looked ahead.....from side to side...it was like he was a terminator in 'search mode'...finally he looked up above his head...EUREKA! his eyes lit up ...above him he saw a long wooden beam...and it was as if the wooden beam was calling to him! His arms reached up he took hold of the beam, lifted himself up and started swinging like a monkey!!

Then Erin the storyteller aka Erin the spanker (see previous blog "Male stripper gets an Irish spanking") suddenly appeared as if she had teleported directly via 'star gate' into the this primate madness and what did she do? she promptly set about spanking some swinging monkey butt!

I couldn't believe what I was seeing... was I witnessing light speed reverse evolution? A man returning in the flick of a switch to his Neanderthal / primate past life and then inspiring others to travel through space and time (the other end of the bar) to partake in his dawn of time extra curricular activities?

But the show wasn't over Dave then literally swung and jumped down to the dance floor and went straight into a Irish jig! This is turn started an Irish dance off which in turn nearly led to a fist fight!!

Oh was I wrong there was nothing evolution-esque here NO...just a 100% mad Irish man through and through!

TUCSONIAN QUOTES

1. Two guys are walking out just as I am about to start on Thursday night, I know one of them and I said to him...

Me: "Where are you going?"

Obnoxious man 1: (offhandedly) "Cheaper beers".

Me: "But I'm just starting?"

Obnoxious man 2: (sneeringly) "You should have started earlier".

Me: "Right.....well f**k you very much".

2. Up walks the ex bar manager and says

"Hugh...if you play ring of Fire.... I'LL BLOW FIRE!".

He then went up to the bar got a mouthful and alcohol and literally blew fire!

(I have witnesses!)

3. This is a conversation that took place like I wasn't there!

ML: "Do you know what Hugh's native American name is?",

EP: "No"

(Very possible sarcastic thought = Dances with leprechauns?)

ML: "Walking Joy".

EP: "I know what you mean.....you've just got to soak it up".

Damn these ladies have my number. I'm still embarrassed.

4. I pull up to a drive through its 4am the guy at the window doesn't tell me what I owe instead his first question was....

"Did you murder your wife?"

"What?" I said in disbelief. He pointed at the tarpaulin covering my equipment in the back of my car.. "Oh...I'm a musician, that's all my musical equipment back there".

The drive through guy proceeds to tell me that murder was on his mind as an earlier customer had pulled up with blood all over the side of his car!!

Have a great week my friends.

Hugh

Hello my friends,

I was back this weekend in Fresno for the first time in almost three months. It was good to be back and see all my friends there, its been too long. Also this week with Halloween just passed and the presidential election tomorrow I will take you boldly where no politically incorrect blog has gone before!

Please keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times....here we go!

FRESNO LADIES GET THEIR FREAK ON!

First off let me talk about these crazy California central valley ladies getting their freak on. These ladies don't mess around! It was a great gig and everyone was up for it I decide it was time to take things up a notch so I said....

"Ok is there any ladies out there tonight...feeling a little....mmm.....FREAKY?"

The ladies screamed..literally!

" Ok well if you want to get your freak on... this song is for you"

and I started playing 'Wild Thing'.

It seemed like there was an instantaneous eruption of dirty dancing, girls gone wild, debauchery. Before I go on though I must use some made up names to protect some of those who pleaded not to be blogged about!! There were many invovled but the main players I saw in this Sodom and Gomorrah reenactment were blondie, horny and saucy.

As I am playing the song I look around the crowd and see people dancing, singing having a good time and then just to my right I see its really going off. I see Horny's head buried and thrashing inbetween blondie's boobs. Blondie looked a little taken aback at the aggression of Ms Horny's onslaught and then like a great white shark bursting from the depths of an ocean Horny through her head back revealing a shot glass empty but still held between her lips. She had just completed a shot-boob manuver!

Some of the guys then got involved taking turns dancing up on Horny and she was just going crazy! In fact Horny danced up on one guy so hard I thought he was going to...well....ahem...have a heart attack! Then suddenly one guy got up on stage and did a male stripper twirl I shouted "It's the The Full Monty" and the crowd roared...oh it was cooking.

Later Blondie was up dancing on her chair all rocker chick like while Horny now was getting her girl on girl on again this time with Saucy who is pulling up her shirt while Horny consumed alcohol poured on Saucy's belly. At this point it was clear someone needed to get a room!

With all these get your freak on sideshows going on (more like I was the sideshow!) it was more like a three ringed circus than a Hugh Nation show!

MY STUPID MOUTH.....AGAIN:

I just keep on saying too much and my stupid mouth keeps blurting out incredible things in spite of the fact I don't drink!!...you wouldn't believe how obnoxious I have gotten when drunk (another great reason I don't drink).

The venue on Saturday night is also a restaurant so there was some kids there at the beginning part of the show. One of these kids a little girl (about 2) is standing right in front of the stage putting her hands up to me like a screaming fan everyone could see her...it was so cute...until I spoke.

I looked at the baby and then out to the crowd and said..."Yeah Hugh Nation groupies start pretty young" the crowd laughed but in a...'did he just say that?' kind of way

"Oh wait.....that sounds all wrong!". (Too late stupid mouth)

I obviously didn't mean it in a bad way but sometimes its the aftertaste not the first bite that strikes you.....ok so it wasn't like dropping a C bomb but still.

Not content with my foot in my mouth just once in a night I later decided to do a stupid mouth encore!

I just finished singing 'Who the f**k is Alice?' and I said to the crowd. "That felt good, the last place we played we couldn't say f**k so give it up for this venue where we can freely express our f**k's" (big cheer from the crowd).

Ok maybe that wasn't so bad.....but then I said....

"Yeah its a f**k free zone".

After I said this I could hear people saying "F**k free zone? what?" yet another joke where I just get it wrong. Everyone just heard FREE and F**K... DOH!

BLACKOUT:

There was a big storm in Fresno on Saturday night while I played my show. At one point lightning must have struck because... BOOM...the lights went out...in fact it was pitch black!

Just as I was about to really 'go acoustic' (that would have been a story) the lights came back on. It got me thinking though...had the re enactment of Sodom and Gomorrah angered the Gods???

FRESNO GANGSTA TALES FROM THE FIREPIT:

My friend Marty got a fire pit for his birthday! and so after the show and the storm some of the Fresno gang got together out in Marty's back yard and sat around his fire pit eating taco's, double-double's and drinking beer.

There were tales of meth addict central, crazy Russian mafia dudes eating raw fish and trying to kidnap Irish girls!, the highest rates of teen pregnancy in the U.S., daycare facilities and repeated 'code blues' in high school??? WTF? oh and drive by shootings. You'd think we were talking about L.A. right?

WRONG! We were talking about FRESNO!

I always though of Fresno as a small city (at least compared to L.A.) I've been there many times and perhaps thought of it romantically as a farming community town blossoming into a city. But from what I heard around the fire I've been wearing rose tinted glasses!

HALLOWEEN: TUCSON'S MISTRESS OF DISGUISE!

Switching gears a little we've just gone past Halloween and that gives me the perfect reason to share these pictures with you. Check this out zombie fans.

(See zombie pic in my Facebook blog photos gallery)

I know....I know.... its freaky isn't it?
I bet all you zombie nerds out there will love it.

This is a friend of mine Stephanie from Ireland who now lives in Tucson. This picture was actually taken a few weeks back. (She dressed up as a zombie as part of a drive for charity). I thought that zombie pic above couldn't be outdone but then I saw this picture below of Stephanie's Halloween costume.

(See Sarah Palin costume pic in my Facebook blog photos gallery)

Hello Governor Palin!

My only complaint? (sorry Steph I have just one) the guns not big enough!

From a zombie to the Alaskan Governor...look back at those pictures... you wouldn't believe it was the same person would you?

Ladies and gentlemen of the Hugh Nation.... straight from Belfast in the 'North of Ireland'.....I give you....the one ... the only....'Ms. Stephanie Burns.... Mistress Of Disguise!'

PRESIDENT BUSH AND BILL O REILLY THANK HUGH!!

C'mon and take a trip with me now into the future. Watch how yours truly, this simple country boy from Limerick, Ireland could become single-handedly responsible for the outcome of the American presidential election. You have got to see this, I guarentee you will laugh your ass off.

http://www.cnnbcvideo.com/?combined=Hugh%20%20Lehane&first=Hugh%20&name_id=8296786&last=Lehane&id=&nid=8d0bP50YqsxXsA_TD6zPETgyOTY3ODY
TAKE A BOW:

I have to give a shout out to a few of you in Fresno. Mike it was your pub that essentially kick started what has now become the Hugh Nation. It's all your fault! Marty & Anne if you wasn't for you putting me up every time I'm in town I would have been forced to stop coming to Fresno a long time ago.

After Moynihan's closed I called possibly every bar in Fresno looking for a new permanent place to play in Fresno, Julie really helped me start off the search by passing on to me a bunch of Fresno venue's information. Then when it finally came down to one venue it was Sarah (The Sarah-nator) who helped me close the deal in booking it.

Finally to all of you, my friends in Fresno, thank you for your ongoing, wonderful support thanks to you Saturday nights show has taken things to a whole new level.

Have a great week and no matter who wins tomorrow....

PLEASE people BE COOL.

Hugh

P.S. Thank you all for the birthday good wishes last week.

Hello my friends,

I hope you are all doing well. This week is officially the beginning of the next chapter, the second year of these tales from the road blogs. So whether its your first visit or you are a veteran reader WELCOME! read on and enjoy.

CAUTION! this week is somewhat of an emotional rollercoaster ride. I am confident you will laugh but there's some content that might make you angry (especially if you are Irish). As usual though I will try to bring it all back together humorously in the end.

HAVING MANNERS = CRIMINAL OR RETARD??

I learned quickly when I first came to live in Southern California that having manners didn't always seem to be taken quite the same way as back in Ireland. Being friendly and courteous were treated with suspicion and even fear!?

Here are two recent experiences I had when I tried to be friendly and courteous.

I am walking into a gas station and coming out is a little girl about (5 or 6) with her Mom. I step back out of their way and hold the door open for them, I smiled and put out my hand as if to say 'go ahead' but instead of seeing my gesture of respect, common courtesy and manners the mother takes one look at me and sternly says to her daughter "Take my hand honey". Nice...is this where the American expression 'no good deed goes unpunished' comes from?

Then over the weekend in Arizona I'm walking through the busy bar going back towards the stage when I see this woman coming towards me obviously heading towards the side door. I respectfully stepped to one side to allow her to pass and instead of saying thank you she looks at me as if I'm retarded points in my direction and says "I'm going that way" really meaning 'get out of my way retard' WTF?...I was confused...I had just stepped out of her way???? Was it a superstition that she can only pass by people on her lucky side or something? What a freakin' bitch.

What is wrong with these people? and what the hell is wrong with being nice?

In fairness most people in the Southwest are friendly and they do appreciate and have manners but at the same time unfortunately I have found these negative experiences pretty common too. Still I refuse to become a rude clone.

RESPECT TO THE TUCSON HUGH NATION

I want to pause briefly to thank everyone for the amazing support I received this past 'homecoming weekend' in Tucson. You know who you are! I did thank you all personally but still I wanted to give this shout out to you all again. Dave thanks again for putting me up, Erin thank you for putting on the BBQ, Kevin you outdid yourself with those steaks again, Maggie & Jen your gang's costumes were brilliant. Here's a picture below of Dave and Meily showing off their new Hugh Nation T-shirts.

You can buy these shirts right now at www.hughmusic.com
THE WAR IS OVER?

On a more serious note this guy comes up to me after I finish a song and introduces himself, he said he was from Northern Ireland he seemed friendly enough and was happy to meet a fellow Irish man...or so it seemed. We chatted for a minute and when I told him I was from the Republic of Ireland he presumed correctly that I was Catholic and joked about being 'on the other side'. It was all lighthearted surface conversation.

Later I take a break and we start talking he seemed reasonable enough and appeared to take the rebel Irish songs I sang in good spirit. In fact he had earlier been clapping along to these songs happily. He talked about how we could not or would not have even spoken to one another a few years back.

Then as if making a confession of past sins he rolled up his sleeve to reveal a tattoo he told me he was concealing. It was an outline of Northern Ireland in the middle of a union jack (English flag). This should have been my cue to walk away. He said that when his grandmother first saw this tattoo she fell to her knees in tears saying it was a terrible mistake that would lead to him getting in serious trouble or worse.

Later when I finished playing we got talking again and he told me his parents sent his sister to a catholic school so they wouldn't grow up hating the other side and how he felt the contentious 12th of July Orange parades should have been rerouted away from Catholic areas. In spite of the tattoo at this point he still sounded conciliatory so our conversation continued.

As we talked he kept telling his American girlfriend "You just don't understand". He was pretty drunk at this point and was starting to be a bit of a dick to her so I decided to explain to his girlfriend some Irish history so she might better understand what we were discussing. His answer to this was essentially to tell me "You obviously don't know you're history".

I know, I know...if you are mad at this point try to remain calm people.

"Really?" I said sarcastically. He then proceeded to throw in his own alternative universe version of Irish history. At this point I suggested that if the British had lived under tyranny for 800 years only then would they understand the way things are for the Irish but he just dismissed my point out of hand and concluded his supposed history lecture with the following unbelievable statement...

"In the end you're not really Irish, you can't be... there's no such thing as Irish". (Essentially meaning we are for want of a better expression a race of 'mongrels')

I was shocked, he said it as a statement of fact.

I honestly don't think I've ever first hand heard this kind of hatred propaganda and bigotry. After all the conciliatory things he had said earlier he had now revealed his true colors. I felt sick.

I had two choices kill this motherf**ker or just walk away I chose the high road.

His girlfriend saw the look on my face and apologized profusely saying "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry".

I told him "You've gone too far" and as I stood up to walk away I told his girlfriend politely "You need to take him home... now".

"Oh don't be like that" he says.

Be like that? Are you f**king kidding me?

In Ireland the actual war maybe over but unfortunately I got a serious reality check that this kind of bigotry sadly continues on. Days later now as I type I am still deeply disturbed by this encounter.

MOAN-I-CA'S FACEBOOK HEADLINES REVEALED!

Ok... puppies and bunnies puppies and bunnies lets move swiftly back into the humorous universe.

My friend Monica in Tucson sent me a message a few weeks back on facebook asking "What have I got to do to get in your blog?". Here's my answer to you Monica... "NOTHING" except just being yourself. What do I mean? Let me explain.

The following is a list of 'just some' of the headlines from Monica's facebook page we are all guilty of some strange facebook headlines but read on and you'll understand why Monica is just naturally blogable.

Here's 3 facebook headlines that she put up in just over an hour last weekend.

Oct 24th

4:29pm Monica is so SEXcited........

5:31pm Monica is getting it ITB tonight.

5:34pm Monica is gonna let her twins "Bear Down" in her new shirt.

Other past headlines have included:

Monica is matt with an rk.

Monica is a mother fuckin' princess.....

Monica is in a love triangle with shaq and amare...

Monica wants to stalk the suns..

and last but not least

Monica is all-nighter!!! wooo vampire porn!!!!!

Hmm I wonder what Monica thinks about all the time? Now you see why I call her MOAN-i-ca.

QUOTES FROM ARIZONA:

1. A guy offers some gentle social encouragement to a female friend...

"C'mon just turn around and show them your ass".

2. You all know now about my thing for girls with guns right?

Girl: "I dressed up once as Lara Croft for Halloween".

Me: " Stop right there....Jesus.....I'm a married man!".

3. This was on the license plate of an Arizona college chicks SUV:

"If you're going to ride my ass.... at least pull my hair".

4. Woman: "I have a sister living off welfare who has five kids from four different fathers and if it were up to me I'd have my sister and everyone else like her sterilized".

Me: (sarcastically)"So what exact criteria would have to be met to require mandatory sterilization?".

5. A college girl celebrates her memory skills (overheard in a Target parking lot!)

"Oh I didn't do anything last night (go out drinking) so I can remember everything".

6. I was in the middle of some story that I was particularly animated about telling to Erin and Steve when suddenly for a moment I must have thought I was back home or something because I had a loud Irish 'tiret' syndrome like outburst (in the middle of Erin's family BBQ!):

Me: (mid sentence)"....I was so mad and I was like (really loud) F**K...C**T"

Time stopped in my mind... I looked around horrified to see had anyone noticed?

"Oh I'm so sorry" I said... Erin and Steve saw the look on my face and burst out laughing.

Miraculously no one else seemed to notice...PHEW...my demeanor of not appearing to be a complete muck savage was saved.

T-SHIRT COMPETITION

How would you like to win a Hugh Nation T-shirt? I will personally send a T-Shirt to the first person to correctly answer the following questions about me. You'll have to work to get some of these answers. (In the interest of fairness please post your answers after the blog so we can all see the winner)

Hugh quiz!

1.In what city in Ireland was Hugh born?

2.What football (soccer) team does Hugh support?

3.What star sign is Hugh?

4.What's Hugh's favorite TV show... ever?

5.What is the first song on Hugh's Retrospective: Pandora's Box CD?

6.Can you name the two Johnny Cash song's that Hugh regularly performs?

7.Can you name Hugh's favorite 'all guns blazing' actress?

8.What is the name of Hugh's Grammy nominated songwriting teacher?

Have a great week and a wonderful Halloween!

Hugh

Hello my friends!

Welcome to my latest tales from the road blog.

BLOG BOOK DONE!

Its hard for me to believe I started writing this weekly tales from the road blog a year ago this week. I know its a cliche but it seemed to go by in a flash. Inspired by the great reaction this blog has received I decided to turn these tales from the road into a book. This blog book will essentially be a humorous 'year in the life' of an Irish musician touring America.

This book will be a companion to my new CD which as most of you know will be entitled 'Finding Ireland In America'. Together I intend for the blog book and the new CD to immerse you in the total Hugh experience!

Some of the strangest stories of the past year included me getting an offer of sex for a Johnny Cash song, my run in with an ex reality show asshole and how two foxy redheads offered me polygamist marriage! Along the way I have tried to find humor in American politics and discussed my porn star name and the horrible idea of telly tubby porn, UFO's and various other conspiracy theories.

More recently I converted a gang of Indian's (as in India) into Irish lager louts by teaching them to sing 'Who the f**k is Alice', I started a volcano of blog rage about Indiana Jones 4, unknowingly partook in Lesbian witchcraft, was blown away by velociraptor human hybrids was very saddened to see the closing of Moynihan's Irish pub in Fresno.

This blog book is now evidence!! Yes indeed it is a record of not just all the funny experiences and characters I have witnessed over the past year but also a tribute to all of the great friends I have made and the evolution of what is now called the 'Hugh Nation'.

NEW BLOG FEATURE: STORY OF THE SONG

Recently I have been playing a lot of my new original songs and I am happy to report I have been receiving very positive feedback to them. A lot of you have been asking me a variety of questions about the new songs so I have decided to add a new blog feature which I hope will answer your curiosity.

I will take you behind the music so to speak and tell you the story of my new original songs. What or who was the inspiration, where I wrote it etc You'll also get a sneak peek at the process of writing a song and how YOU my audience have been knowingly and unknowingly involved in the editing and rewriting of these new songs.

I am going to start off this new blog feature today talking about a new song that seems to be an audience favorite, 'Hollywood Ending?'. If you have a particular favorite original song of mine you'd like me to put in this new blog feature please let me know.

STORY OF THE SONG PART 1: HOLLYWOOD ENDING?

The inspiration:

It came to me early in 2006 as I was driving to and from shows in Fresno. In the original lyrics there was a lot of specific references to landmarks along the journey from L.A. to Fresno. I talked about driving past Griffith Park, Magic Mountain the Grapevine etc

The main idea:

People always ask me what its like being a full time musician. They wonder why I continue to pursue a career in music despite the ups and downs and the unique challenges that I face. To some it seems foolish, unlikely to bear any reward. So I wanted to write a song that would answer these questions. A statement, if you will, of what I do and why I do it.

Clarity and straight lines:

Hollywood Ending was the first song I ever played for my songwriting teacher Harriet Schock back in April 2007. I knew the song wasn't quiet right but at the same time in my gut I thought it had potential. Harriet liked the music of the song but pointed out that the main idea of the lyrics was not coming across clearly, it was as if I was watching a movie in my head that only I could see.

Re writing process:

Initially I let the song stew for a while as I worked on other new songs. So when I came back to it fresh a few months later I went back to my original scribbled notes and began to bring all the pieces of my song idea back together, except this time with clarity. Telling the story in straight lines so to speak.

The final puzzle piece:

The new lyrics came together quickly but there seemed to be a final piece missing, a lyric that would bring it all together. Back in the original song notes I had written about driving home from a show and hearing a song on the radio that made me laugh out loud. This part of my song idea had been left out of the first lyrics but now it seemed a perfect fit for the new version.

"Driving home now I turn on the radio. A great line from a song I love makes me laugh out loud. It reminds me why I write why I'm out here on the road, the shared experience, reaching out, soul to soul".

The 'great line' I refer to is from Shawn Mullins song 'Rockabye'. The line is "I don't know about this place, it's hard to play a gig in this town and keep a straight face. It seems like everyone's got a plan, It's like Nashville with a tan".

Its a great song and Shawn Mullins humor about the music business is so funny to me because its so true, I can relate.

Two years in the making:

In the end Hollywood Ending took two years before I truly felt it was finished. Some songs I have written in thirty minutes others just take some time to mature. I have been excited that everywhere I play 'Hollywood Ending?' that everyone has such a similar reaction to it, they all say words to the effect of "I love that song... it should be on the radio".

P.S. I just found out Woody Allen has a movie of the same name...DOH!

Hollywood ending? It could be a Hollywood law suit now!

MCCAIN, OBAMA ROAST

With only weeks to go now in the Presidential election and everything getting so heavy and serious it was fun to watch McCain and Obama the day after their final debate roast each other at a press event. If you haven't seen this roast check it out on youtube its hilarious. It was also fun to see Governor Palin over the weekend with her scary clone Tina Fey appear on SNL. Apparently Palin once dressed up as Fey for Halloween!

Have a great week my friends!

Hugh

Hello my friends, welcome to the latest installment in my tales from the road blog. This is a big one! so strap yourself in and welcome to the theme park otherwise know as In-Hugh's-brain land. Read on!

PART ONE (THURSDAY): STRANGE BUT TRUE

HILLBILLY MEETS THE BIMBO'S

Driving to Tucson I stopped in a small town on the border of California and Arizona. In front of me in line at the gas station were two girls that were causing quite a stir. One was up at the counter getting directions to Las Vegas while her friend just behind her was talking on her cell phone to her boyfriend, "Baby I'm sorry we've driven four hours in the wrong direction" I overheard her say . Wow talk about a bad sense of direction! These girls were in their early twenties they looked like they were models or athletes or maybe even strippers! Why would I draw this conclusion? well they looked very physically fit and even though they were dressed casual it was still 'casual' with all the subtlety of an atom bomb.

The guy giving out directions behind the counter thought Christmas had come early, he looked like a hillbilly he was tall and chubby his face was weather beaten and he wore a baseball cap that seemed permanently attached to his head. As the girls left this hillbilly dude blatantly checked out 'the view' and scrunched up his face as if he'd got a chest pain. After they went out the door he turned to his female co worker and said at the top of his voice "Damn! did you see the ass on that chick?".

PUT BABY BACK IN THE CORNER!

On Thursday night the manager asked me to set up in a new place and I agreed to try it out. But for what I do now in all my shows, getting people involved etc this new location turned out to be a non starter. It was like the audience felt I was too close for comfort and the bar was getting my speakers blasting directly at them. As a result of this It was hard to do my usual Hugh show. I felt like I had an arm tied behind my back going into a fist fight. I went back to my usual spot in the corner on Friday night and it was like night and day. Maybe I'm just being an freaking 'artist' about it but on this occasion I say f**k what Patrick Swayze says in Dirty Dancing I was glad baby got put back in the corner.

WU HU MAN AND THE BLUE EYED GIRL

The following two characters epitomized the weirdness of this Thursday night. First up there was 'Wu Hu man' he kept coming up to me and screaming Wu Hu over and over again. I really appreciated his enthusiasm at first but this guy was definitely smoking something. He gets up in my face and practically shouts at me "Man you are totally shredding dude you are totally awesome WU HU yeah.....WU HU". Believe me this got old real fast, someone needed to take him aside and either teach him to use his inside voice or take him out to the desert and let him work out need to express himself at volume.

The second character of the night introduced herself by walking up to me while I was playing Van Morrison's 'Brown Eyed Girl' and screamed.... "BLUE EYED GIRL". She wanted me to change up the lyrics so I did, one time around I sang "You my, blue eyed girl". I guess she didn't hear me do it because instead of a thumbs up she flipped me two birds!!! I stopped playing looked at her directly and said "I just did what you asked damn it, f**k you too!" and I flipped two birds right back at her.

Later one of the blue eyed girls friends came up and apologized to me saying "I am sorry about my friend earlier she's from New York, she's very aggressive". I thanked her but said it was ok it wasn't a big deal.

Then blue eyed girl herself came up to me and apologized. She told me how she was second generation Irish and that she felt bad about flipping me the birds because in all her years growing up going to Irish bars with her parents she had never upset any of the musicians. I told her I wasn't upset and it was cool, but she continued on....

"I mean how could I (upset a musician) when I've got boobs".

I looked at her dumbfounded...where did that come from?

"Mine are small a B plus but still" she continued.

"What?" I said still trying to figure out how a simple apology had turned into an interrogation about my thoughts on her boob size!

She hesitated and then said "You probably think I'm a B minus".

"Oh my lord" I said "What am I supposed to say to that!?".

"Oh you should probably just say nothing" she said.

Aggressive? phew... talk about in your face!

PART TWO (FRIDAY): NOBODY DOES IT LIKE MCGUIGGAN

CHILI'S GAY TEST

My friend Dave McGuiggan and I walk into Chili's, its his birthday and lunch is on me.

Up walks a guy host and says "Hi guys do you want the cute server?".

Dave and I exchange looks as if to say...what did he just say?

"Do you want the table with the cute server?" he repeated.

How were we supposed to answer this? It was a lose, lose situation. Yes we'd like the cute waitress means were perverts, and no to the cute waitress means we're gay!

KEVIN'S TOOTH LOSS: TRUTH VS FICTION

My friend Kevin lost half of one of his front teeth munching on a monster rib last week but I have a better version of what happened. Kevin walks into a bar there's bunch of English guys there playing pool and they start talking shit about the Irish. Kevin decides to put them straight on their views, he breaks a pool cue in half and goes all Steven Segal on their British asses. Then mid fight he bites on the ear of one of these Englishmen, in a Mike Tyson -esque move, but his tooth is so disgusted at the taste of English blood that it just falls out and dies! You decide, truth or fiction, which is the better story?

UNVEILING OF HUGH NATION T SHIRTS

The Hugh Nation shirts were unveiled to the world tonight and they were a hit. If I'd had them physically on sale I'd have sold a trunk load. Seeing is believing, Dave McGuiggan really did a great job with the design. So I can now report first hand the following facts 1. The Hugh Nation T-shirts are high quality and 2. Once ordered they take about a week to be delivered. You can buy them directly online at my website www.hughmusic.com
CHELSEA AND BENDER: JEKYLL AND HYDE?

Chelsea is a friend of David McGuiggan. The Chelsea I've got to know is the sit back and quietly 'take it all in' Chelsea but I got to see Chelsea's alter ego 'Bender' for the first time tonight. It was quiet a dramatic transformation and not a sight for pacemaker users. Chelsea simply just went off! She was dancing by herself hands lifting her hair up high while she swayed around like she was having a Flashdance moment then later she was getting all rap video with the birthday boy. I don't believe however that this was a solely alcohol inspired transformation... its more like a 'get your freak on' Jekyll and Hyde! (Go team Chelsea!)

MCGUIGGAN DOES A NUT IN

While Irish dancing at breakneck speed to the end of the song 'The Divil Is Dead' my friend David apparently did his right nut in! I am not sure if its like being hit with this ball breaking instrument below but by the look on his face it looked like it hurt just as much.

ALL YOU CAN EAT SORORITY

"Are you Hungry?" this cute girl asks me.

"No" I said "Why?"

"We are having an all you can eat at our sorority tonight". (What?)

I tried not to laugh out loud at how that sounded and seeing the smirk on my face she continued...

"Its all you can eat pancakes, $5 admission all proceeds going to a children's charity".

Oh that rained on the parade.

A guy standing nearby says "Hey baby...I'll go... but on one condition"

"What?" she says.

"That YOU butter 'my pancakes' ...personally"!!

ARE THUMPER AND BAMBI D.O.D. ASSASSINS?

I met these two ladies on Friday who I will refer to simply as Thumper and Bambi. Remember the James Bond movie 'Diamonds Are Forever'? It was a Sean Connery Bond, in the movie he has a fight with two acrobatic girls who kick the crap out of him until he eventually subdues them underwater in a swimming pool. Remember that scene? anyway these acrobatic ladies were named Bambi and Thumper! These ladies kick ass!

Talking to Bambi and Thumper it was late after my show and maybe I have it all confused but I believe these ladies may indeed be secret agents, extra terrestrial spies or employees of the D.O.D. (Department of Defense). I just remember there was conversation about being air hostesses, strippers, dishing out broken noses and black eyes playing the bagpipes and that both of them knew some form of kung fu. Somewhere in the middle of all that I came to my secret agent conclusion. So I say men of Tucson beware.... these agents are watching you!

PART THREE (SATURDAY): STEPHANIE'S BIRTHDAY

IRISH DANCE OFF

Tonight it was my Irish friend Stephanie's birthday she is far from home (Belfast) and I understand of course that this kind of occasion can be hard. She had chosen to spend her birthday night at the Dubliner so I wanted to do my part to make sure she had a great night.

First off I had her come up front for everyone to see (wow she went so red!) and I sang her happy birthday in my own unique 'special' way.....

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday day to you, happy birthday dear Stephanie..." so far so good but then I interjected... "Okay any single guys out there c'mon up and buy this Irish girl a drink.....(and I continued singing) happy birthday to you".

Ok so that wasn't so bad but then later my friend Maggie got up to sing and she made Stephanie sit on a chair in the middle of the dance floor and Maggie sang directly to her loud and proud "You know what your problem is? you need to get loaded and laid"...wow!

This wasn't to be the end of Stephanie's 15 minutes of fame tonight though, finally we got her up to take part in an Irish dance off with Special Agent Thumper and David Mcguiggan who bravely danced in spite of his aforementioned right nut injury! Stephanie told me she'd only ever dance at home in her house so this was something of an ordeal for her. She looked initially like she had stage fright but then got into it and she was prancing around like a real river dancer.

At the end of the night after the show I overheard someone say to Stephanie "Oh you're Stephanie the Irish birthday girl". So much for just 15 minutes of fame.... in the Dubliner Stephanie is now famous...or would it more correct to say infamous?

LIBRA'S AND SCORPIO'S.....WEIRDNESS

I realized the other day just how many friends I have that are Libra's and Scorpio's. Its actually a little freaky. Now I'm not into astrology so I'm not sure of the significance of this but there's definitely something to it. A penny for your thoughts.....

BITE ME.....LITERALLY

This guy in the bar had the phrase 'bite me' tattooed inside his lip. Thumper, who I mentioned earlier had upon this guys request literally bitten his lip and his neck vampire like on demand earlier in the night but now as I sat talking with Thumper he came up looking for a deal closing encore.

He pulled down his lip revealing his bite me tattoo and she dutifully stepped up and bit his neck like a sexual vampire tease machine. To say this guy was in the palm of her hand was putting it mildly, he was just short of dropping onto bended knee and begging for her to drag him away to her dominatrix basement!

He put his phone open on the table and she did give him her number but when she politely refused to go home with the guy he had this look on his face like someone stole his Christmas presents. This Thumper is something, amazing what Irish blood can do for you! After all the story of Dracula was written by an Irishman (Bram Stoker).

THEY SAID WHAT??

1. Me talking too much:

"You see I think I have finally figured it out... being Irish is like having ADD and Turret syndrome mixed together. We are ADD because we can't stop talking and jump randomly from subject to subject mid sentence and we are like Turret syndrome because we curse uncontrollably".

2. Me talking too much...AGAIN:

"Ok so I am going to dedicate this song to all the wild things out there......yes Bonnie you too....you don't fool any of us with that whole good girl librarian look". The audience laughs, Bonnie laughs, her boyfriends not so sure.... I think about what I've just said and say "I've said too much again haven't I".

3. Me: "So who's that girl with you tonight?".

Anonymous Guy: "Oh we're just friends.... she makes good sandwiches... (What?) ... oh it's complicated".

4. Someone suffering from a dose of political correctness comments on my show to a friend....

"He really says 'f**k' a lot doesn't he?".

5. Its late, a girl watches in frustration as her friend and some guy can't seem to close the deal. All she can think is damn it, make up your mind girl friend!....do you need a ride home or not? and out loud she says.....

"Man I wish they'd just get on with it and make up their mind whether they're going to f**k or not....seriously.... I mean if it was me by this stage I'd already be at home doing it".

6. "I like your music but you need more melody in your voice....(what?).... you need harmonies".

Seeing the look on my face this woman informed me I simply 'didn't understand' what she meant. Apparently this WAS a compliment?? Not in my universe baby.

Have a great week my friends!

Hugh

Hello my friends!

How are you all doing? well I hope. Good news for my friends in Fresno it looks like I've finally got a new place to play there. I'll be back November 1st @ Sequoia Brewing Co. in the Tower District.

Before I get to this weeks tales from the road blog I am going to give you a exciting update about my new Hugh Nation T-shirts.

T-SHIRT UPDATE

I have heard back from some of you who ordered and just recieved my new Hugh Nation T-Shirts. I am told they look really good and are and I quote "Killer". The spreadshirt.com site I am using to sell these new shirts is a site used by independent musicians across the globe. The product is professional and the turnaround is quick

For the month of October all the prices of these NEW Hugh Nation T-Shirts will be as low as they can be. Yes just for YOU my valued friends and Hugh Nation members. What this means is basically that I am not making any money from these T-shirt sales.

What? You might ask. Well what you pay during this month will be just for the printing and delivery of the shirts. There are Men's, Women's and Kid's T-shirts. So what are you waiting for? make sure you are a part of the Hugh Nation rising, GO NOW and order your shirts!

Click on the link below to go direct to the Irish Hugh store:

http://irishhugh.spreadshirt.com/us/US/Shop/
BRAINS AND BOOBS IN SOUND BYTES OR 'IN HEADLIGHTS'?

I've mentioned before that as I pack up my gear at the end of a night I tend to overhear some funny drunken conversations. This weekend I heard these guys talking about the Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin.

So they're talking about how dumb they think she is and they're referencing all the sound bytes from recent gotcha TV interviews (No bias there...and pigs fly) where she talked about being able to see Russia from her house about her support of funding to help the mating of crabs in Alaska.

They then went on to talk about how comedienne Tina Fey on 'Saturday Night Live' does such a great impersonation of her. This is where I got involved...I couldn't help myself.

"So I take it you guys don't like Governor Palin?" I said tongue in cheek.

"O.k. so let me ask you guys a serious question" I continued...at this point I was utterly dripping with sarcasm and irony.

"Would you do her?".

Nobody laughed !? (WTF?) and without hesitation they all said "Yeah"!!!

Then without skipping a beat one of them says "Oh man yeah she's got great boobs". "Really?" another guy said...

As you can imagine the conversation went snowballing downhill from there.

I guess you can put lipstick (I mean aftershave) on a pig but it's still a pig!!

But ladies before you go all man hate and start ranting about how all men are pigs don't even try to tell me that you haven't had the same locker room primal conversation about Senator Obama.

Still...wow... brains and boobs in sound bytes.....or is it 'In headlights'?

LEPRECHAUN MIND CONTROL?

As I was sound checking on Saturday night in a place called The Rib Joint I checked my microphone with the infamous sound check cliche "1,2...1,2....1,2".

There was a table of rowdy seniors (no kidding) there who thought it was funny when one of them shouted out "3,3....3,3".

This is the equivalent of shouting 'Freebird' at a musician.....so un original SOOO lame.

Regardless I knew they were just being friendly.

I quickly replied...."4,3,2.... 4,3,2.....yes indeed I can count beyond 1,2" (cheesy I know)

This was the beginning of some back and forth fun banter between me and the crowd and after I played a few songs and they were applauding enthusiastically I decided to up the ante with them all.

"O.k. I'm going to do a song now that requires some audience participation".

Everyone was all smiles and some shouted out "Yeah!". They seemed up for it.

"I should tell you that normally when I play in an Irish bar I ask people to do things like take off their shirts and put their beer glasses on their heads" I said.

I was joking of course but this one Latino woman sitting at the bar now had a look of sheer terror on her face??

What did she think I was going to do?

Use f**kin leprechaun mind control to hypnotize her into removing her blouse?

Hmmm that's an interesting idea...ahem...I mean that's appalling, sick , twisted.

There's a superpower you wouldn't want in the wrong hands (pun intended).

"So tonight I'll go easy on you" I continued "You just have to clap your hands".

The look of relief on the Latino woman's face was hilarious. Am I really that scary?

"Why don't YOU take off your shirt?" one of the seniors shouted up.

"Because I want you to stay" I replied and they all laughed.

I am not sure though whether they were laughing at my self effacing humor, which I've found normally doesn't work for me.

Perhaps they were really laughing in relief that I wasn't using my leprechaun mind control to make them all strip!!

This type of superpower wouldn't be my style though. Nerdingly I must confess I'm more of a I'd love to have Jedi Knight powers guy.

So c'mon people its time to get your 'blog comment on' its time to confess what superpower YOU want the most.

Until next week my friends.

Hugh

WHAT NOT TO DO WHEN ARRESTED FOR DUI

I spend a lot of time driving and apart from listening to CD's I also listen a lot to news, traffic reports etc on the radio. Well last Thursday driving to Tucson I heard a humorous story on the news that I have to share.

Let me give you the headline....

"DUI suspect who farted at police officer charged with battery".

Oh my God? what the f**k? you may ask.

Here is a direct link to a newspaper article about this story below. Trust me no matter how prudish you are this will make you laugh out loud.

http://www.mercurynews.com/ci_10556987?source=most_viewed
THE C BOMB? NO I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT 'CRAP'

Yes I went and did it Saturday night, frustrated with the at times hot and cold audience I dropped the C bomb not once but twice in less than 10 seconds. I know I did do this once before but that was under my breath. This time it was loud and proud!

Now for the gobshites who consider hell and damn curse words NO I'm not talking about the supposed C word 'Crap'. AAAAAAHHHHH! (Sorry that just pisses me off)

I am talking actually referring to the mother of all curse words, the 'C bomb'.

Y'know the one that rhymes with runt?

Ok so now that we're all up to speed. The actual sarcastic rant I put the C bomb in was the following and I quote

"Well I have to say you guys have been SOOOO generous in your applause the past few minutes....(and then I dropped down my voice low)....you motherf**king c**ts".

Heads turned, some were shocked but surprisingly most people actually thought it was funny. Perhaps because it was true!

"That's ok because now I'm going to give you an opportunity to make up for it" I continued "Oh and by the way, Yes I did just say cunt".

Before you judge me, know this, In the next song every soul in there clapped their hands along with enthusiasm.

Politically in correct and unmistakably extreme shock tactics I agree and I certainly won't be doing that every night but y'know what? ...damn it all to hell it worked!

COMEDY CORNER
I was introduced to comedienne Amy by my friend Cassie in Tucson last year. She has come to quiet a few of my shows and this weekend I finally got to pass some karma back in her direction by going to see her perform.

Personally I see comedy as one of the hardest things to do well. The comedians I love like John Cleese, Jim Carrey, Carlos Mencia and Richard Pryor make it look easy.

Night after night comedians learn their craft the hard way, IN PUBLIC! They must work tirelessly until they find their niche, their groove. There are a great many similarities between musicians and comedians.

At the comedy show Amy and her fellow comedian students put on a series of sketches some rehearsed, some improvisational. They also had put together some comedy shorts on video which provided some of the biggest laughs. I have great admiration for what they are doing and the cellar venue is a perfect place for them to hone their craft. Some U of A alumni comedians have gone on to appear on TV shows such as Mad T.V. etc

Amy and her friends ' Comedy Corner' hold a show every Friday at 12pm in 'The Cellar' (located in the Student Union ) in U of A Tucson. For more info visit: www.myspace.com/uofacomedycorner
MALE STRIPPER GETS AN IRISH SPANKING: BUT NOT FROM ME!

On Saturday night I started playing 'Wild Thing' when suddenly this guy jumps up on his chair and starts doing a male stripper routine.

"Go on, get up on that table" I said over the mic to him and he did!

(What me? The instigator? Never!)

Soon the whole bar was involved shouting and hollering. The more they shouted the more outrageous his primal gyrations became

"Work that pole" I shouted, not that at this point he needed much encouragement, and work that wooden pillar beside his table he certainly did.

Right beside the table where he was putting on his 'show' guess who had a front row seat surprise surprise it was that woman who seems like a magnet to my blog recently yes indeed it was Erin (the storyteller)!

Well on this night she wasn't telling the story now she was living the story 'live'!

The male stripper worked up on Erin like he was one of those girls you see in a rap video! Yeah it was hard core. He was performing ass stunts that I could describe as simply defying the laws of physics.

Regardless of this primal onslaught Erin didn't blink, someone handed her a dollar bill and she just popped that money right into the belt of his pants. This got a great audience response but Erin wasn't finished!

Next Erin took her left hand and grabbed a handful of man butt and with her right hand....she spanked that ass good!

Erin maybe third generation Irish but Id testify in any court that this spanking was an old fashioned Irish one.

So now, from this moment on the woman once know as Erin the storyteller has now suddenly became Erin the spanker!

(P.S. I have since discovered Erin knew her 100% Irish Great Grandmother, she lived to be 105! At Erin's Great Granmothers 100th birthday Erin and her older sister asked her, "what would you do if we got you a male stripper for your birthday?". She replied, and did the action,"I'd spank his BUTT!"....WOW!!)

Have a great week my friends.

Hugh

Hello my friends!

This week I return to my usual politically incorrect tales from the road. I am also excited to report this week that my new Hugh Nation T-Shirts are now on sale.

O.k. so are you ready? here we go....

A LATE NIGHT DRUNKEN RANT: ARE YOU TRY-SEXUAL? THE THING ABOUT IRISH PEOPLE, AN ONLINE SALE OF VIRGINITY AND BY THE WAY ALL WOMEN ARE WHORES!?!

I played for the first time in a new venue in L.A. recently.The show went pretty good there was nothing really humorous during the show to report but afterwards as I was packing my gear up I heard an un intentionally hilarious late night drunken rant. I still don't believe what this guy said but anyway.....he began like this.

Act One: ARE YOU TRY-SEXUAL?

"So are you try-sexual?" this drunk man asked his lady friend.

"What do you mean?" she replied.

"You know...would you try anything?" he laughed (all proud with himself...Mr. sex therapist)

"You're making this up" she said.

"No I'm not!" he replied (How dare she question his sex therapist's word!).

"Didn't you know that all the Hollywood movie stars are try-sexual?" he stated this as a matter of fact.

"Really?" she said mockingly and she looked at him as if to say 'you are so full of shit'.

Hilariously though he completely misunderstood her dirty look, instead of reading her to mean 'Ok I should shut up now' he thought her look meant 'how dare you judge those movie stars' so he quickly added.....

"Oh not that there's anything wrong with being try-sexual".

Did this guy really think that this line of conversation would get him into his lady friends bed? WOW! Having said that, this conversation did happen in L.A.

Act Two: THE THING ABOUT IRISH PEOPLE

Next up this drunken poet decided to talk shit about Irish people...in an Irish bar?

I know, I know this guy was a real f**kin rocket scientist.

I was walking past him coming back from getting a drink at the bar when I heard him say.....and I quote "The problem with Irish people is..."

I stopped and said "Whoa...before you say anymore" I said... now speaking slowly and deliberately so his dumb ass drunk mind could actually compute the words "I AM AN IRISHMAN".

"Oh... my wife is Irish" he said. (This is justification to be a dickhead?)

"All I was going to say is that the Irish have a fierce temper" he continued "Its the Nordic influence" . WTF?.... wow are you staying with me here ? this sex therapist slash rocket scientist is also a behavioral historian!

I wonder did his wife know he was out in an Irish bar trying to bed this lady friend of his? If his wife really is Irish she's gonna do more that just lose her fierce temper with his ass.

Act Three: VIRGINITY AND WHORES!

Smartly this drunken moron changed topic again but wow did he save the worst till last.

"Oh did you hear about that girl selling her virginity online?" he announced.

He then proceeded to tell his lady friend and everyone around how there were thousands of bids put up for this girls virginity the highest currently being 750 thousand dollars. (hmmm I wonder what he bid?) This story brought him to the following philosophical conclusions

1. That western civilization as we know it is doomed,

2. and that (direct quote) "At the end of the day women are all whores".

This sparked outrage from the manageress behind the bar she turned around and said "What did you just say?". This caught him off guard and he tried to back track....

"Oh what I meant is they're all whores... all the guys who bid for her virginity".

His lady friend, the one he was flirting with (if you could call this flirting) was now just utterly disgusted at him but still he didn't stop!!

"I saw a picture of her, she was cute but she had a lazy eye" he said "But y'know some guys have a thing for a lazy eye?"

"O.k that's enough" said the manageress "Time to go".

So finally this drunken idiots 'arsery' (you like that word?) was ended and his lady friend left. Alone, confused but clueless he disappeared into the night.

THE UNNECESSARILY ARROGANT MUSIC HEAD

Playing at a local venue for the first time last week I ran into a type of musician that I've met many many times before on my travels. The unnecessarily arrogant music head (U AM head).

If a musician is confident that's fair enough you've got to be to get on in this business but being arrogant when you've not really accomplished anything? well that's unnecessary.

Anyway I'm setting up before my show and up walks this U AM head. I see him look at my P.A. system suspiciously and he says....

"So do you want to use the good P.A.?" (Public address or P.A. System: a system of electronic amplification with a mixer amplifier and loudspeakers)

"I'm ok, I'll use my own" I said and I continued now half joking half serious

"I hope you're not slighting mine?". He ignored my question.

He then asked what kind of music I played, I told him and then he asked....

"Do you have a (business) card?". So we exchanged business cards not that he really wanted mine, he just wanted to give me his.

As I looked at his card I noticed that on the back there was the following quote....

"Fortunate is he who cannot remember what he has given and cannot forget not what he had received". Well excuse me Mr. f**kin Nietzsche. (Infamous philosopher)

I knew the fun had only begun so I kept our little chat up....

"So are you in a band?" I asked him.

"Yeah" he said. "What are you called?" I continued

"Arrogance" he says (not the real band name of course but it would be apt)

"Oh I've heard that name before" I said genuinely recognizing it.

"Was your band nominated in the O.C. Music Awards?" I then asked.

"No, (we weren't just nominated), WE WON twice"

"Well done. That's not an easy feat" I said, astounded at the arrogance but knowing first hand the competition to win these awards.

"Oh it was easy" he replied. (WHAT?)

At this point I rest my case and without further adieu I turn to You.. members of the Hugh Nation jury. Do you need time to deliberate? Or do you already have a verdict?

I suspect you're ready to convict!

GO BUY YOUR HUGH NATION T-SHIRTS!

You wanted them and now they're here! Follow this link to the Irish Hugh store:

www.irishhugh.spreadshirt.com
Check out the inscription on the back of the men and ladies shirts "This is an Irish bar. This is what we do!". In the Hugh store you'll find t-shirts for men women and kids. You can pick your own size order online and have the shirts delievered to you in days. Now let the Hugh Nation rise and crush the Empire of zombies and begrudgers!!

REPUBLICAN'S, DEMOCRATS: WHO IS JEDI? WHO IS SITH?

With just over a month left before the presidential election all sense and reason has taken a back seat for those politically inclined so in this silly season I think its time to have some more fun with this election before someone has an aneurism.

This leads me onto a question that out of the blue my 11 year old son asked me a few weeks back. "Hey Dad" he said "Are Republicans the Jedi and the Democrats Sith?"

"It's a little bit more complicated than that" I told him.

This question got me thinking about which Star Wars characters most resemble the politicians in this presidential race! and with that in mind I have a fun challenge for you.

I want you to tell me which Star Wars characters our presidential candidates and their running mates most resemble to you. I believe this beats the hell out of watching a thousand clusterf**k pundits on TV obsessing about 'Senior' computer skills or lipstick on pigs. Its time to have some fun with this presidential drama.

So to get you motivated here's my picks for the Star Wars characters I think are most like our presidential candidates:

Barack Obama = Lando Calrissian

To Democrats he's the 'Shaft'...with 'Soul glo' hair who'll pilot the Millennium Falcon (on the wings of change) into the Death Star and destroy the evil (Bush) empire.

John McCain = Yoda

Why Yoda? Well Mc Cain may look old, wise and like he needs a walking stick but give the man a light saber and I'd reckon he kick all types of ass.

VP candidate Joe Biden = Count Dooku

I don't know....he just comes across angry and mean to me which convinces me he'd be a perfect Separatist Sith Lord!



VP candidate Sarah Palin = Princess Leia (or Zam Wesell)

Palin in Leia's Return of the Jedi bikini outfit? I am sure this is what red blooded Republicans would be thinking. As for Democrats? I reckon they'd be thinking she's more like the changeling assassin Zam Wesell (The character who was hired by Jango Fett in Attack of the Clones to kill Senator Amidala).

P.S. Speaking of Leia's bikini as I was looking for Star Wars pics for this blog I found the following website.. be warned a nerdfest awaits...

www.leiasmetalbikini.com
One final Star Wars political thought. Have we really seen the last of Hillary in this presidential election? Will Biden remain Obama's pick for VP? or will the Clinton Empire Strike Back?

Have a great week my friends.

Hugh